Random Musings From A Single Gal

Santa is Delicious

2011-11-30T10:39:00.000-07:00

My sister and I moved in to our house a little over 5 years ago. Though we always decorate for Christmas, in that time we have never put up a Christmas tree. This is for several reasons, but more specifically the last 3 years because of our little ~~terror~~ angel Mimi the Wonder Chihuahua.

The first year that we had this little bundle of satan, she ate a Christmas wreathe. Not just nibbled....devoured. Destroyed. Have you seen the birthing scene from the new Twilight movie yet? It was something akin to that. Styrofoam, needles, ribbon were scattered all throughout the upstairs...even stuck to the ceiling. It was then and there that we decided no Christmas tree for us!

This year however, my sister bought a pre-lit Christmas tree that she's been coveting for 3 years and so we decided to go ahead and try it. Mimi is almost 4 now and hasn't really eaten anything too detrimental lately. We set up the tree last Saturday, plugged in the lights, put up the garland, and decided to wait til the next day to see how she did with it. Surprisingly she showed absolutely no interest. So on Sunday we put up the ornaments.

Every day we come home we check to make sure the tree is still standing. So far everything has been intact!

.........Until this morning.

As I walked by Mimi's chair I happened to look down at her collection of stuffed toys that she keeps close watch on. Sitting on the very tippy top, under her little paw, was a little stuffed Santa ornament. I couldn't help but laugh. Since the tree was in tact and there was no sign of mischief, I imagine her sitting on her throne, checking out the target, choosing her intended victim and then ever so delicately slipping Mr. Clause off the tree with her sneaky little teeth.

She's a naughty one all right....but oh does she keep us laughing!

Wordless Wednesday - Have you missed me?

2011-10-19T12:34:00.000-06:00

Doing the Can Can

2011-09-09T16:23:00.000-06:00

Lately I've been hit by the domestic stick. Which is better than being hit by the ugly stick, but still quite painful.

Last year I decided to can for the first time. Ok, to be honest, 2 years ago I decided to can for the first time. I made some questionable raspberry jam and some really nasty applesauce. They were both so horrible that we're just going to pretend it never even happened. This is my blog so I can do what I wanna do.

So last year I decided to can for the first time. I bought a book of canning recipes and did a lot of research on line. And bought a really lot of fruit. I had some success with canned peaches and apple sauce, which I dubbed cracklesauce because it was just that addictive.

I started ~~stalking~~ reading food blogs and became ~~obsessed with~~ more interested in learning about the process. I've hounded my old lady friends and stocked up on tips and suggestions. I enlisted my friend Amy (since my sister could not be less interested in canning) and over labor day weekend created the following masterpiece:

In case you are wondering, that would be:

Canned Peaches, peach sorbet (heaven), frozen peaches, salsa, tomato sauce, canned tomatoes, peach jam, triple berry jam and raspberry peach freezer jam. Not pictured is jalapeno jelly and another round of cracklesauce.

It was a lot of hard work but I loved doing it. I have a couple more things I want to make before I pack up my supplies for the season. Whatever will I do to keep myself busy this fall?

I need to learn a new talent.

Oh, and remember when I said my sister could not be less interested? I have proof ala her recent facebook post.

"I think my sister is trying to be the next "Pioneer Woman." First the obsession with gardening...now with canning...what's next? Sewing our own clothes and chasing chickens around the yard with a hatchet and a cry of "Here, chickie, chickie?""

Smart aleck.

I Always Feel Like Somebody's Watching Me

2011-08-22T11:25:00.001-06:00

Does anyone remember that song from the 80s? It was a gooder, for sure!

This morning I was out watering the plants in the back corner of my yard. It's in a very shaded area, with my neighbor's pine tree covering a lot of it. As I was standing there, lost in my thoughts, humming along to Ke$ha, I felt like someone was looking at me.

I looked up and gasped as I saw this peaking out from the trees.

Yes, it was Stealth Kitty...watching my every move! I got a good chuckle and then of course grabbed my camera phone. SK played peak a boo for a few minutes, slowly poking his head back up and then down again. Then he got tired of the game and crept away.

A Hilarious Email Exchange

2011-08-17T17:16:00.001-06:00

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.19pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David, Our records indicate that your account is overdue by the amount of $233.95. If you have already made this payment please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.
Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles
********************************************************************************
From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.37pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane, I do not have any money so am sending you this drawing I did of a spider instead. I value the drawing at $233.95 so trust that this settles the matter.
Regards, David.

********************************************************************************
From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.07am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,
Thank you for contacting us. Unfortunately we are unable to accept drawings as payment and your account remains in arrears of $233.95. Please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.
Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles
********************************************************************************
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.32am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,
Can I have my drawing of a spider back then please.
Regards, David.
********************************************************************************
From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.42am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear David,
You emailed the drawing to me. Do you want me to email it back to you?
Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles
********************************************************************************
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.56am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,
Yes please.
Regards, David.
********************************************************************************
From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 12.14pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Attached

********************************************************************************
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 09.22am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Whose spider is that?
Dear Jane,
Are you sure this drawing of a spider is the one I sent you? This spider only has seven legs and I do not feel I would have made such an elementary mistake when I drew it.
Regards, David.
********************************************************************************
From: Jane Gilles
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.03am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Whose spider is that?
Dear David,
Yes it is the same drawing. I copied and pasted it from the email you sent me on the 8th. David your account is still overdue by the amount of $233.95.
Please make this payment as soon as possible.
Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles
********************************************************************************
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.05am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Automated Out of Office Response
Thankyou for contacting me.
I am currently away on leave, traveling through time and will be returning last week.
Regards, David.
********************************************************************************
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.08am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?
Hello, I am back and have read through your emails and accept that despite missing a leg, that drawing of a spider may indeed be the one I sent you. I realise with hindsight that it is possible you rejected the drawing of a spider due to this obvious limb ommission but did not point it out in an effort to avoid hurting my feelings. As such, I am sending you a revised drawing with the correct number of legs as full payment for any amount outstanding. I trust this will bring the matter to a conclusion.
Regards, David.

********************************************************************************
From: Jane Gilles
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 2.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?
Dear David,
As I have stated, we do not accept drawings in lei of money for accounts outstanding. We accept cheque, bank cheque, money order or cash. Please make a payment this week to avoid incurring any additional fees.
Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles
********************************************************************************
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 3.17pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?
I understand and will definitely make a payment this week if I remember. As you have not accepted my second drawing as payment, please return the drawing to me as soon as possible. It was silly of me to assume I could provide you with something of completely no value whatsoever, waste your time and then attach such a large amount to it.
Regards, David.
********************************************************************************
From: Jane Gilles
Date: Tuesday 14 Oct 2008 11.18am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?
Attached

I'm Confused About the Nipples

2011-06-23T14:16:00.000-06:00

A few weeks ago I had the blessed experience of passing a 2nd kidney stone. So fun.

Anyway, one night my kidney must have been hurting particularly badly while I was sleeping because I had the following dream:

I was on a cruise with my family and I got called in to the ship's doctor's office. They had received an emergency transmission from my doctor back home with my x-ray results. I had been diagnosed with a terminal kidney disease. My kidneys were filling up with tiny little nipples and creating a blockage. I was astounded! (It was particularly hard for me to hear because I am allergic to the word nipples. And any other embarrassing female body part for that matter). I asked her to clarify, "Did you say N-I-P-P-L-E-S?" She said "Yes, Nipples. It's Extremely rare!"

The prognosis was not good. This extremely rare disease was going to kill me in 19 - 99 years. And I could no longer eat any food. None. No Food! Ever! Again! They needed to immediately hook me up to a food drip. I argued with the nurse that I had already eaten breakfast so I didn't need it today, and that I was on a cruise ship filled with food! Couldn't I just have the drip for breakfast and lunch and eat a sensible dinner? The obvious answer was no. Drastic measures had to be taken immediately.

So, like any girl who loves cake would do, I woke up crying. It took me a minute to realize it was just a crazy dream.

As I was telling my sister about it, we were able to understand most of it. We had gone to a bbq the night before and talked about the cruise and how amazing the food was. We had also discussed buying slim fast at Costco that same day and you know their policy...a shake for breakfast and lunch and 1 sensible meal for dinner. My sister then said "Well, I guess it all makes sense. But I'm still confused about the nipples".

I said "Well sister, It's extremely rare!" Which has now become our new catch phrase.

New Office Policy

2011-05-20T13:15:00.000-06:00

Effective June 1, 2011

NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management

Friday Food For Thought

2011-05-13T11:04:00.001-06:00

They Found Me!!!

2011-05-02T09:34:00.001-06:00

Apparently my taking 2 1/2 weeks and then some off work was unacceptable,
because guess who showed up at my house today?

What the Duck, dude? There is no pond or lake ANYWHERE NEAR MY HOUSE!!!!

I don't know how they found my house, but I considered putting them in my car and taking them back to work with me. Because they obviously tracked me from there!

It's not just me right? That's creepy?!

She's Alive! Alive!

2011-04-28T16:55:00.000-06:00

Hello Friends!

I've survived my surgery, and I'm starting to get my funny back. I will be posting again real quick like!

My mom has been in town for 5 weeks and has helped me out immeasurably. She leaves tomorrow and I'm pretty sure I will fall apart without her. If only my dumb dad didn't have to have a dumb job and they didn't have to live so dumb far away!

Ok, my dad isn't dumb.

But I will miss my Mommy!

The Boys are Back in Town

2011-03-18T10:20:00.000-06:00

And by the Boys, I mean......

The Geese.

But there's no cool song that talks about Geese. Except maybe Geese Lightening (insert collective inward groan here).

So anyway, a few weeks ago I was having a really bad day. The kind that only mint chocolate cake from Harmon's can fix. As I drove in to the parking lot I had to stop to let 3 geese cross my path. That should have been my first clue. I walked in to Harmon's and guess what.....No Mint Cake! Agh! Curses!

I walked around the store in a funk, not sure what to do. Because honestly, I really wanted that Mint Cake. And once I get a craving in my head, no amount of other food is going to cut it. I can't remember what I ended up with. Something gross I'm sure.

As I drove back to work, I remembered that the geese had also been the parking lot that morning as I got out of my car. So I hate to say it, but really, those geese caused my terrible horrible no good very bad day.

Today as I was walking in to work I heard a crazy amount of honking. I looked up, expecting to see them flying over head. But instead they were sitting along the roof of my building! Like Gargoyles, guarding the building. It was seriously creepy! Even the dude walking in with me said he had never seen that before.

Fortunately I kept the following thought to myself :"Holy crap! How on earth did they get up there?".

Duh. Geese fly. I mean, really, I was seconds away from saying this out loud and looking like a complete ignoramus!

And of course I walked in to work and was immediately met with bad news.

Why do they hate me?

And now I want mint cake. Damn Geese.

Happy St Patty's Day

2011-03-17T11:33:00.000-06:00

May you find a pot of gold at the end of your rainbow!

Unfortunately, I only seem to find gay men at the end of mine.

Things you don't expect to hear

2011-03-08T23:47:00.001-07:00

I have had many strange conversations over the past couple of weeks. Some have been fantastically strange in a hysterical, "Oh my gosh, did you JUST say that?!!!" kind of way. Others have been so terrifyingly sadly strange in a hushed "Oh my gosh, did you just say that?" kind of way.

It's interesting to stand back and look at the lives of those around us and see both the struggles and triumphs that happen to ourselves, our friends and our acquaintances.

Here is a sampling of actual things that people have said to me recently:

"I am finally pregnant!!! (from 2 different friends that have both been trying for several months!)
"My husband has colon cancer"
"Would you think it was weird if you were getting a massage and your massage therapist took her shirt off?"
"I don't know why I don't just slit my wrists and end it all now"
"All I wanna do is a zooma zoom zoom and a boom boom"
"Funeral services for my sister will be held at...."
"Oh you're having a hysterectomy?! I had one in November...you'll LOVE it!" (she really was serious)
"My co-worker said her house burned down. And then it burned down again a week later"

And my favorite....

Me to a lady at church in a cast: "What happened?! Did your husband throw you down the stairs?"
Her response: "Oh, I was bit by a camel"

Yes...Really.

In the blink of an eye....

2011-03-04T11:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I received some shocking news.

At 38 years old, I am having a hysterectomy.

I knew I was having problems, which is why I went to the doctor in the first place.

But this was not the answer I expected.

I talked with the doctor and laughed and joked.

While my insides were screaming.

And the tears were fighting against their natural instinct to pour down my face.

As I called my mom I couldn't hold it in anymore. I started sobbing. And had to pull the car over.

Then I had to get on with my day. Go to work. Tell my boss. Email friends.

Breathe.

Pray.

Eat lots of chocolate.

Today I feel calm, though slightly more numb.

I feel this is the right decision.

Though the knowledge that I will never have children is crushing.

Breathe.

Pray some more.

I know Heavenly Father is sending me comfort through the peace that I feel.

And through the words of kindness from my friends and family.

I know it's all right to cry some more.

And eat more chocolate.

A little seriousness on a Tuesday night

2011-02-23T01:13:00.000-07:00

Reading my friend Rebecca Jo's blog tonight (er...I guess this morning since it's 1:08 a.m.....go to bed Stacy!), I found this line in her blog about attending a worship seminar with jr high kids from her church.

In talking about them doing service for one another:

"It made my heart just smile... can only imagine what it did to God's."

I love it. I wish I spent more time doing things that would make God smile. Never too late to make a goal, right? I'm on it!

Thanks RJ for being a great example of how to be the Lord's Servant. Your church group is blessed to have you, and I feel blessed to call you a friend, even though we've never met in real life.

Things I really SHOULD be doing

2011-02-16T20:34:00.000-07:00

I really should be at Walmart right now picking up my prescription, but I know I'd also buy a box ~~or 20~~ of fudge covered mint oreos because I just saw them on someone else's blog and now I've got a fever for the flavor.

I really should be unpacking from my cruise....because I've been home for a month, and that's just plain embarrassing.

I really should be working out. Or at least thinking about working out. But my fatness makes me too tired, and my too tiredness makes me not want to work out.

I really should be preparing for my primary presidency meeting tomorrow night because I've got several things that need to be discussed. BUT so far the only plan I've made is for us all to meet at Lanta's Frozone because a) I love my friend Lanta, and b) tomorrow's flavor of the day is Peppermint, and I REALLY loves me some peppermint frozen custard.

I really should be doing laundry because I've already worn these jeans to work twice this week and it's only Wednesday. And the other day that I wore them was....yesterday. shhhh.....

I really should be emptying the dishwasher because my sister hates to do it and she does so many nice things for me all the time. And she's working late tonight. But I had to play Zuma Blitz on facebook for an hour because she has totally hijacked the game from me and this is my only time to use the computer.

So in order to go to bed feeling good about myself, I'm going to do one thing on this list.

I'm going to go get me some fudge covered mint oreos.

Another One Bites the Dust

2011-02-15T12:11:00.001-07:00

This is our new living room rug.

Isn't it so cute?

This is Mimi the Wonder Chihuahua on her very expensive Dog Bed

Isn't she so precious?

This is the spot where Mimi the Wonder Chihuahua

christened the new rug 2 days after we got it

I'm gonna miss that dog.

My (un)Glamorous Life

2011-02-09T17:49:00.000-07:00

Today I walked in to the break room and 2 of my friends were talking about how they've had it with the rich snooty people in their lives. The conversation then went a little something like this:

Her: Sure, I've dated a millionaire, or 5 or 10. They aren't anything special and I never fell in love with them
Me: Um...I've never dated a millionaire.
Her (incredulously): YOU HAVEN'T????!!!
Me: Uh...no
Her: What?! Well come hang out with me for one night and see how things change.
Me: I'm pretty sure nothing would change.

I should mention that this girl is gorgeous and has gorgeous friends. Important friends. Celebrity friends. Yeah, thanks but I think I'll sit this one out. I'd be like the little troll in the bunch. I am pretty darn sure my self esteem could not take a blow like that.

You want my help with WHAT?!

2011-02-04T13:13:00.000-07:00

Last Sunday in primary one of the little 4 year old boys came up to me and held out his shoe. He doesn't talk very well and so I could only assume he wanted me to put it on for him. His teacher then told me that she had been trying and could not get it on.

Well, what this little innocent child with his messy hair and big blue eyes did not know is that he came to the wrong person for this! I am clothing assistant challenged. I can't put on children's shoes to save my life. Can't help them unbutton their pants, can't help them put on tights. I can't even zip my own jackets. Once my friend asked me help her put in her belly button ring and I almost died. First of all...eww, gross!...and 2nd of all, you're asking me, Miss Shaky Fingers, to put a medal object into a tiny little hole.. IN YOUR STOMACH???!!! Let's just say that event, though hysterically funny, was unsuccessful.

So I tried with all my might to put this shoe on the little boy. I pushed. I pulled. I turned his sock around. I held his sock tight. I grunted. I groaned. I cajoled. I begged. All useless. That shoe was NOT going back on his foot.

He was pretty upset at my failure, and REALLY wanted his shoe on, so admitting defeat I left to find his mother. After a few minutes of unsuccessful searching I went back and told him I couldn't find her and that he could just put his shoe under his chair until class was over.

A couple of minutes later, I looked over at him. He was happily chewing on his shoe. All was right in his little world again.

Sir, are you TRYING to annoy me?

2011-01-25T11:26:00.000-07:00

This is Stacy, How can I help you?

Yes, I 'd like a brochure on Lake Powell.

I'm sorry, we don't have brochures. All of the information is on our website. Are there any questions I can answer for you?

Oh, so I can go online and download a brochure?

No, I'm sorry, we don't have any brochures.

So, you don't have like a brochure you can mail me?

No...WE DON'T HAVE ANY BROCHURES!!!!! (insert huge eye roll)

Mimigrams

2011-01-24T09:42:00.000-07:00

Last night I was lying in bed, minding my own business, tossing and turning like I often do whilst waiting to fall asleep.

Mimi the Wonder Chihuahua was feeling especially restless and could not get comfortable. She likes to burrow under the blankets and try to get as many of her body parts to touch as many of your body parts as possible. Usually she ends up in my armpit or under my leg.

Suddenly, without any warning, she leapt over me and landed directly on my chest. And by chest, I mean my left breast. Imagine a 14 lb weight slamming on to your boob without any warning. Yowchie! It's not a party, that's fo sho!

I know that when you turn 40 you are supposed to get a Mamogram every 5 years or something like that. But a Mimigram? I'm pretty sure those are not covered in my insurance plan.

Wordless Wednesday - Photos from my Cruise

2011-01-19T10:37:00.000-07:00

We don't need no stinkin' locksmith

2010-12-28T00:28:00.000-07:00

This past weekend my sister and I were lucky enough to go visit our parents for Christmas. On Christmas Eve We were able to visit with cousins we hadn't seen since 2009 (aka the summer of death) and had a great time catching up. My cousin brought her 4 year old daughter who regaled us with hours of endless entertainment. I was reminded of just exactly how magical Christmas is in the eyes of a little one. The weekend was fabulous...We were spoiled rotten with great gifts and amazing food and tons and tons of love.

I have limited (read: zero) vacation time left so I was forced to come home after just a couple of days. My sister was lucky enough to stay a few days longer. As I was packing to go home, I transferred the stuff from my purse in to my new purse that my sister had given me for Christmas. After checking to see that my flight was on time, my family dropped me off at the airport.

Of course by the time I walked up to my departing gate, my flight was delayed. By almost 2 hours. Crap. I had forgotten my cell phone at home and had also insisted to my sister that I did not need the 2nd iPod. So here I was...stranded at the airport with nothing to entertain me and no way to reach everyone to let them know.

I sat. And sat. And tried to sleep. And sat. And eavesdropped. And watched a little football. ~~And died of boredom.~~ And sat some more. FINALLY it was time to go. I rushed off to the bathroom, and realized I left my keys in my old purse at my parents house. NOOOOOOOO!!!! DOUBLE CRAP! Now what. I borrowed a good semaritan's cell phone and called my sister to let her know.

Lucky for me I now had a 2 hours plane ride to worry. And fret. And stew. And surprisingly not swear about it. And then, like a glorious light bulb in my head, DING! I remembered I had forgotten to lock my bathroom window.

My friend Amy was waiting to take me home and had heard the story from my sister. I informed her that we were going to try to break in! She laughed hysterically. I suggested maybe we'd have my neighbor's kid crawl in the window for us. Did I mention it was dark? And 20 degrees? And it was really foggy and had just snowed?

When we got to my house, my neighbor let us borrow a flashlight and a ladder. And her husband, Josh. Who has saved me from more than one embarrassing predicament in my lifetime.

We (he) tried the kitchen window. Locked. Dang. Then we tried the bathroom window. OPEN! YAY! Did I mention that this window is tiny? And I am not? And neither is Josh? Triple Crap. I suggested he go get his 7 year son and he just laughed. And laughed. And laughed. hmmm....

5 foot Amy stepped up to the plate. She climbed up the ladder...at least 12 feet in the air. She slid that window open. She catapulted her leg onto the window sill, knocking off all my shampoo and conditioner bottles in the process. She hurled herself through the tiny window like Mary Lou Retten. I only wish I had been inside to see the dismount! She went around to the front door...and we were IN!!!

Now if only the keys to my car weren't also in California on that same key chain. There it was, parked behind my sister's car in the driveway. Did you know that you can't put a car in neutral and push it out of the driveway if you don't have the key? Yeah, me neither. Que Josh to the rescue..once again! He backed up my sisters car and drove it out the side of the carport, drove it across my neighbors lawn and on to my driveway. Saved at last.

It was a Christmukkah Miracle I tell you!

I am so grateful that I have great friends and neighbors willing to break in to my house for me. And now my windows are all locked and alarmed...guess I'd better take that extra key to my neighbors for me!

Oh yeah...Amy texted me later to tell me she pulled a muscle during her gymnastics routine. Bill me!

A True Friend

2010-12-15T14:56:00.000-07:00

A true friend is someone who will take your oreo cookies out of your coat pocket when you get to work and ration them out to you throughout the day. And even though you might protest at first, it actually is nice to get a little surprise every couple of hours rather than be out of cookies by 10:00 a.m.

Though if you are really smart you will eat 4 oreos before you even get to work, just in case some cookie nazi takes over your stash.

Not that I'm speaking from experience or anything.

Granny Master Flash

2010-12-11T00:46:00.000-07:00

Thursday night I was working at job numero dos and having a merry old time. There were Christmas songs on the radio and the flow of people was relatively steady. Which is nice when you are at your 2nd job for the day and you are pooped and really just want to go home. The slooooooooowww nights just make you want to die.

So this little old lady wanders in and says she's looking for a dress. I show her around the store at a snail's pace, trying to match my shuffle to hers, and then deposit her in the dressing room, promising to check on her in a few minutes.

Suddenly there are more people in the store than my little co-worker and I can manage and we get stuck at the register for the next 30 minutes. I figure Grandma has left by now but I ask my manager to go back and check on her. Her daughter and granddaughter had since shown up and they were helping her now.

About 15 minutes later I go in to check on her and she opens the dressing room door in a dress 2 sizes too large, which is hanging off her poor little old lady body. I say "Oh dear, that's way too big, let's try on a smaller size". She says Ok and proceeds to take the dress off. In front of me. And the open door way. And the entire dressing room. And part of the hallway. And I wanted to die.

Fortunately her granddaughter stepped up to the plate and helped her out of the dress, closing the door slightly. Oh so very slightly. I happily ~~ran out of the dressing room screaming~~ left to check on another customer and gathered my wits about me. (You do remember that I fear nakedness, right?)

Finally we find a dress for ~~the streaker~~ Grandma and off she goes. Probably to show her underwears to some other poor unsuspecting sales girl in a different store.

About an hour later my manager says to me, "Oh by the way. Thanks a lot for making me check on that old lady. She totally flashed me in her granny panties and bra". I got a good chuckle out of that and was relieved that I wasn't the only one that had to endure the terrible vision that still haunts me to this day.

Katy's Quotes of the Day

2010-12-07T17:32:00.000-07:00

Katy (out loud): Wait. I think I'm stupid.

um...ok.

Me: Do you think 7:30 p.m. is too late to call someone?
Katy: Depends on where they live.

Um...really?

And yes, she is blonde. Click here for more of Katy's funnys

An Award? For moi??

2010-12-02T10:20:00.000-07:00

A few months ago I was given an award by the Beehive Blog. I was honored (she said my blog makes her giggle) and promised to follow up on it. And....I forgot.

So here I am, several months later, ready to get on it like blue bonnet.

The rules are:

Thank the person who gave you the award. (I did back in August...does that count? Prob not!)
Share seven things about yourself.
Give this award out to 15 other bloggers that you think are fabulous, interesting and deserving.
Contact each of the bloggers you chose.

And now for 7 things you never wanted to know about me:

1. I am addicted to cleaning my ears with Q-Tips. I do it every day. Sometimes I do it twice or three times. I love the feeling of it. I am a very itchy person. And this is much better than making that crazy pig noise with your throat while trying to scratch your brain through your ear drums.
2. I gave up caffeine 10 years ago. I just decided I didn't need it anymore. Until about 4 months ago. Since then I've needed it every day. Sometimes twice or three times. (hmm...I'm seeing a pattern here).
3. I think mean thoughts about at least one person a day. Not always the same person either.
4. I feel super intimidated by teenage boys. I think it's a throw back to my high school days. I hate when I'm driving by a car of them and they look at me and make a funny face or whatever. I try to just look straight ahead and take deep breaths.
5. Just this week my dentist told me that I am doing great with my home care and to not change a thing. I didn't mention that I don't always brush my teeth before going to bed. Or that I haven't flossed in 92 years.
6. I used to wash my dogs every week. Now they're lucky if they get a bath in between their grooming appointments every 6-8 weeks. They really smell right now.
7. I have an unhealthy obsession with twins. They fascinate me. I just think it's so weird to see 2 people that look EXACTLY alike. One day at Costco I saw 4 different sets of twins, and it freaked the crap right out of me.

Ok...now to pass this on to 15 bloggers. Wait, what???15??? That's crazy! I know I don't have 15 people that will pass this on, but here are some of my faves that I try to read often. Or at least when I DO read them they make me smile (and sometimes snort).

Em @ Heart and Hairspray
My home girl Kimi @ Live Laugh Love your Guts
Cindy @ Full of Lite
Lisa @ That's What She Said
LeAnna @ Thoughts and Whatnots
Jill @ Jill's Real Life
Julie @ Julie's Scribbles
Rebecca Jo @ Knit by God's Hand
Foxy @ The Fox Den
Salt @ Salt Says
Krista @ Double Dipped Life

TMI Tuesday

2010-11-30T23:16:00.000-07:00

This past Saturday was a busy busy day. Went to a baptism at church, bought some new shoes, then worked a 6 hour shift. As my shift got closer to ending I started feeling light headed and nauseous. I had had a little bit of the flu on Thanksgiving, and so I figured it was because I hadn't eaten much in the past 3 days and waved it off. After work, I Drove up the canyon with my sis to use her gift certificate to a fancy over priced French Restaurant (featured on Sister Wives!....sadly they weren't there) and had shrimp cocktail and dessert. On the way back down the canyon I was really feeling sick but figured it was from being in the car and the twisty road. By this time it was almost 10 pm and I still hadn't really eaten anything all day except the shrimp and dessert.
We decided to stop at WinnCo and get some groceries because they were giving away some free eats.

The air outside smelled terrible due to being down wind from a sewage treatment plant. I made a semi-joke about it making me want to throw up. As we walked in to the store we ran in to our neighbor Josh. I asked if his wife was there, and he said that he left her alone with the kids. We joked that he was sneaking beer and that he was going to share it with us.

All of sudden I knew I really was going to puke. I told my sister in a panic and ran to the bathroom which fortunately was close to the entrance.

Warning...this is gonna be gross.....hence the title. :)

I barely made it in to the stall....and Cue the Projectile Vomit. Seriously, it was like the pie eating contest scene from Stand By Me. Except I was the only one there. Same amount of puke, less people. Let me tell you...it was everywhere. The floor. The walls. The seat. My jacket. My skirt. My brand new $105 shoes. In fact the only place that it didn't get on was my hair. Not sure how that happened.

I tried to clean up as best as I could and had to tell some poor young girl at the customer service counter. She tried to make me feel better but I could tell she was none too happy about the clean up job she was going to have to do. And I was absolutely mortified.

Luckily my sister was close by and we were able to go home soon after. She was so sweet to me and washed my clothes and everything. I then spent all day Sunday in bed. I am finally feeling better, and hope to never repeat this episode again.

P.S. My sister is appalled that I wrote this post. She even made me edit and leave some stuff out. She says I am bringing shame upon our family name. Sheesh...Amateur.

3 little pumpkins

2010-11-24T10:05:00.001-07:00

Tasty Tuesday - Peppermint kiss brownie bites

2010-11-16T13:40:00.000-07:00

Welcome to another addition of Tasty Tasty. You know, the one where I steal someone else's recipe and post it on my own site, like I'm some sort of baking genius?

Today's recipe is one that I stole from Jocelyn at InsideBruCrewLife and modified a little because I'm not a huge pumpkin fan. So I used the white and pink peppermint kisses. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Delicious!!!!!

Click on the link above for the recipe. It's totally easy, and delicious!

Here's a copy of her picture to get your other senses involved...... Now go make these yourself!

Food for the Soul

2010-11-12T09:17:00.000-07:00

I saw this sign this morning on my way to work, in front of a Presbyterian church.

"Wisdom is seeing Time in God's perspective"

I thought it was incredibly smart, and something that I struggle with in my own life.

And then 5 minutes later I saw this bumper sticker.

"Jesus is coming....look busy"

And even though it's a little sacrilegious, I still kinda like it. Maybe it would a little more fitting if it said "Jesus is coming...GET busy"

There are so many areas in my life that I am lacking in. I'm certainly not ready for Jesus...are you?

TMI? Probably...

2010-11-04T10:44:00.000-06:00

So the big news of the week is I passed my kidney stone yesterday...or at least most of it! YAY ME!

It was embarrassingly tiny for the amount of pain that it caused. I think calling it a stone is a bit presumptuous. They should call it a kidney speck. Or a kidney smudge. Or a kidney-if-you-blink-you-will-miss-it-in-the-pee-strainer-thingy. Though I guess none of those names command the kind of respect that the word "stone" does.

Anyway, I passed the stone but still felt really crappy and was worried that I might have an infection so I went in to work for a couple of hours yesterday and then went to the Dr. Dr A said I probably only passed part of it and to keep drinking water til I felt like I would puke. Really? Water? I can think of many other things I'd rather consume until the verge of puking. Cookies. Brownies. Ice-cream. Lasagna. Cookies. (Ooh! That reminds me! I have cookies in my purse! Nom Nom Nom!).

So I tried to keep up with my water therapy last night, but really, after you eat 5 a couple pillsbury ready bake sugar cookies for dinner, there's only so much room for water. I popped another flocase (designed for men with enlarged prostates. Which I guess is fitting since the mailman thinks I'm a Mr. Anyway)) and swigged another ~~case~~ bottle of water.

Around 4 a.m., in the midst of a Sister Wives Marathon (creepily addictive) I got up for my 987th trip to the bathroom to pee my little guts out. As I was sitting on the pot, minding my own beeswax, this spider came running at me at breakneck speed! I panicked because here I was cornered, caught literally with my (under)pants down! Around my ankles no less! I didn't have the time (or the manual dexterity for that matter...you know, naked butt and all) to grab a shoe so I just grabbed a piece of toilet paper and squished him.

Or so I thought. That little bugger was speedy and shot back out of the inadequate piece of TP. But I was faster and turned again and caught him! Ha! Squashed him dead! I threw the TP in the toity and continued on with my business. Which really was just #1 people, but the whole spider incident was making it take longer.

Suddenly I felt something running across my bum! AAAAAAGH IT'S THE SPIDER!!!!!!THERE'S A SPIDER ON MY ARSE! HELP ME RHONDA!!!

Oh my gosh, breathe! BREATHE! No, No, of course it wasn't the spider. It was just a little run away pee since I stood up in the whole process to catch that damn arachnid.

But it freaked me out for a second. I mean, really. Could you imagine the call to my Dr if it really had been? Um, Hi, Yes, this is Stacy, I was in there earlier today? Yeah, um, well I passed the stone, but now I have a bigger problem. It has 8 legs and 4 eyes. Should I go to the ER again?

Is this really my life?

Trick or Treat?

2010-11-01T20:13:00.001-06:00

This weekend I was house/dog sitting for my friends in Park City. You might remember the Naked Hot Tub incident of '09.

Yep, same house.

This weekend was going to be insanely busy and I should have said I couldn't sit for them. Actually, I did say I couldn't sit for them, but then I felt guilty about not serving others, blah blah blah and called them back and said I would do it. Ok, fine, really it's because she offered to pay me. But whatever.

I'll spare you all the details of the weekend, but suffice it to say, Saturday was nuts and I was exhausted by the time I got back "home" Saturday night. Sunday I woke up , drove the 50 minutes back to my house and went to church. I was feeling exhausted, crabby and more than a little sick.

After church, I drove back up to Park City. I tried to take a nap but the 3 dogs wouldn't let me. So I threw the ball around for a while, made some cookies, and started feeling more and more sick. At 6:30 I sent my sister a semi joke text "I think my appendix is bursting". 20 minutes later I decided it was no longer a joke. She offered to drive up and get me, but I said I would just lay down for a while and see if the pain went away.

Fast forward 1 hour. I am crying from pain. I drove myself to the emergency room and told my sis to meet me there. A few ~~thousand dollars~~ hours later, cat scan results showed I had a kidney stone. I was all doped up on pain killers (bless you pharmaceutical company) so we had to leave my car there and drive the hour back home.

After a night of the worst pain in my life, a morning of throwing up and crying, hours of restless sleep, I was starting to feel better. I assumed I had passed the stone, and I was feeling like I got off pretty easily.

Until the Percaset wore off.

I am currently drugged up again and feeling pretty good. I'm a little afraid of that 4 hour mark though when the pills wear off.

I have been receiving many kind comments and phone calls today. And then I received these two from my dad and sister:

Dad - So, last year she had a gall stone and this year she has a kidney stone? Are we sure her head's not full of rocks and they are working their way down her body?

Sister - Either that or since she can't get anyone to give her a diamond, her body knows the only way for her to get some sort of rock is to produce them on it's own.

Ha Ha. Very funny.

The Difference Between Children and Adults

2010-10-27T09:47:00.000-06:00

When I was a child, if I had woken up to this...

in October,

I would have thought....

"Woo Hoo! I am so excited! Awesome!!!!!"

However now that I am an adult, instead I thought......

"@!*X0C@!!"

The Great Cake Debate

2010-10-26T14:14:00.002-06:00

Friday we are having our annual Halloween Potluck at work. I signed up for dessert because, well, that's my favorite food group. I am thinking about making this:

Isn't he cute?

Unfortunately my decision has sparked the instant message Great Cake Debate of 2010 between myself and my friend Cat.

Cat: He looks so sad
Me: Well he's about to get eaten. You'd look sad too
Cat: Lol. But he doesn't know that he's gonna get eaten
Me: He must suspect. He's made from cupcakes and frosting
Cat: Do you think he realizes that though? :)

I decided she was probably right and will make a Score Trifle instead.

I love you Kitty Cat!

All in a day's work

2010-10-21T23:09:00.000-06:00

I have a secret that I am about to confess to you all. I am broke. Ok, so those that know me know that's not really a secret. But I am. It's true. Broke as a joke. Couldn't be because of my shopping habit. Nope, I'm sure that's not it.

Anywhooo...after much thought I decided a few weeks ago that it was time for me to get a 2nd job. I called up my old boss Cindy that I worked for a hundred years ago and got a job lickity split at a clothing store. Now, this might not have been my smartest move. Because this particular clothing store is part of the reason that I'm broke in the first place. But I am strong. I am invincible. I will use this money for good (bills) and not for evil (darling burgundy, pink and black shirt with shiny buttons).

Tonight was my first night. I was pretty nervous because I haven't worked retail in a few years. And this store is pretty large and there are lots and lots of clothes. And because I'm still running to the bathroom every half hour or so. Damn Montezuma. He really did a number on me.

But despite my fears my first night went pretty well. I helped this really cute lady buy an outfit for her daughter's wedding. I felt really good during the sale because she kept saying how wonderful I was and that she had been really discouraged before she came in and now she's found something she loves.

And then I helped this other lady that was a little odd. She tried on 10 different jackets and didn't like the way any of them fit. I didn't have the heart to tell her that they were basically the exact same jacket except with different patterns and colors on them. She just really wanted that jacket. She ended up leaving empty handed but she told me that I was really nice and she asked if she could give me a hug. Um, ok, sure. I guess she didn't see my invisible "I don't hug crazy people" sign.

So the weird hugging incident aside, and the brief germ freak outs, I survived my first night.

And then I came home and had 2 cupcakes for dinner.

The end.

My week in Mexico!

2010-10-18T17:13:00.000-06:00

I just got back from a 7 day vacay in Mexico with my family.

We had a great time.

We......

Enjoyed the view from our patio

Tried new foods in several delightful restaurants

Snorkled with tropical fish (and an eel...yuck!)

Made friends with the locals

and even shared a room with one of them.

We called him Newton, the Newt.

We swam in the Ocean at the private beach at our resort

Walked through the Flea market in downtown Puerto Vallarta

Marveled over many gorgeous sunsets

And celebrated my birthday with a surprise cake!

A fabulous time was had by all!

We will take with us many memories of a great week.

Though the memory that will stick with us the longest

will definitely be of the place where we all spent the most time each day.

Maybe next time we don't invite good ole Montezuma, ok?

Thanks Mom and Dad! Sure love you!

Tasty Tuesday - Hot Buns

2010-10-05T13:18:00.000-06:00

Hmmm...I might have gotten off subject today.

Enjoy!

Conversations with my sister

2010-09-29T23:55:00.000-06:00

Her: "What?! They are giving that idiot Brad another chance on the Bachelor? I hate that show!"

Me: "Yeah, I know. Soooo STUPID!"

Her: "You're totally going to watch it, aren't you?"

Me: "Uh, well yeah...DUH!"

Tasty Tuesday - 8 Ball Zucchini

2010-09-28T11:19:00.000-06:00

Ready for round 2 of Tasty Tuesday? I made this recipe last week and it was so freaking amazing I almost couldn't wait to post it!

A couple of years ago my sister's co-worker gave her an 8 ball zucchini. It is this cute little(ish) round zucchini that looks, well, like an 8 ball on crack. I guess you are supposed to pick them small but most people pick them when they are a little larger so they can stuff them. So Stuff them we did! It was delicious. Jen made up a recipe with some hamburger, cheese, rice, onions, tomatoes, etc.

This year we decided to grow them on our own. The seeds got planted a little late but they finally took off and I have a cute little 8 ball zucchini bush. WAY smaller than the mondo sized regular Zucs I have growing.

I did a little research online and stumbled across an awesome recipe on this blog Never Enough Thyme. It is so cute and delicious! I tried to take my own pictures while I was cooking but I just couldn't do it justice like Lana did. Please check out her blog for the recipe. You will not be sorry!

One suggestion I would make is drain the bacon fat before cooking the rest of the veggies in it. Another suggestion is to come hungry. Because you will eat the whole darn thing and be scraping the inside of the zucchini for more!

Enjoy!

Quote of the Day

2010-09-23T17:39:00.002-06:00

"I just had to move my protein shake so I could make room for my chocolate cake in the fridge".

- My friend Katy....a woman after my own heart.

Wordless Wednesday - Heaven and Hell

2010-09-22T13:19:00.000-06:00

Tasty Tuesday - Sour Cream Pork Chops

2010-09-21T10:19:00.000-06:00

I'm not the world's best cook. I have to read a recipe a zillion times before and during the whole process because I'm so bad with numbers. And I certainly can't make up my own recipes like my sister can. Or my bloggy friend Stephanie that makes amazing looking desserts from scratch!

Anyway, I thought it might be fun to post some favorite recipes every now and then. Maybe call it Tasty Tuesday? If anyone wants to participate let me know. I'd love to feature some of your deliciousness!

My first Tuesday is a recipe that I made last night from All Recipes.com. I've made it before with pork chops like they suggest, but last night I made it with spare ribs because that's what I had in the freezer. The sauce is also delicious on top of rice or mashed potatoes. Yum!

Enjoy!

Sour Cream Pork Chops

Ingredients

6 pork chops
salt and pepper to taste
garlic powder to taste
1/2 cup all-purpose flour
1 large onion, sliced 1/4 inch thick
2 cubes chicken bouillon
2 cups boiling water
2 tablespoons all-purpose flour
1 (8 ounce) container sour cream

Directions

Season pork chops with salt, pepper, and garlic powder, and then dredge in 1/2 cup flour. In a skillet over medium heat, lightly brown chops in a small amount of oil.
Place chops in slow cooker, and top with onion slices. Dissolve bouillon cubes in boiling water and pour over chops. Cover, and cook on Low 7 to 8 hours.
Preheat oven to 200 degrees F (95 degrees C).
After the chops have cooked, transfer chops to the oven to keep warm. Be careful, the chops are so tender they will fall apart. In a small bowl, blend 2 tablespoons flour with the sour cream; mix into meat juices. Turn slow cooker to High for 15 to 30 minutes, or until sauce is slightly thickened. Serve sauce over pork chops. (Note: I boiled the sauce on the stove until it was nice and thick)

Why can't you be....

2010-09-20T11:02:00.000-06:00

When I was growing up I got this question a lot. "Why can't you be more like your sister?" Mostly it was from teachers. "I see your sister is a peer helper. Why can't you get better grades". That is an exact quote from my stupid 6th grade teacher. (good thing I don't hold grudges..ha ha!)

These days I get this dreaded question. "Stacy, why aren't you married yet"?

Of course living in Utah, the capital of getting married at 19, I have gotten this question a lot over the years. But I get it a lot more now that I am reacquainting myself with friends from highschool and college. (Ah Facebook...you are a blessing AND a curse). "Oh Stacy, you were such a social butterfly in college...we all were just trying to keep up with you". I appreciate that you think I'm so wonderful that I should have been snatched up by now, but clearly it hasn't happened yet, and in case you think I hadn't noticed...I had.

The funny thing is that I think some of these people really want an answer. Like I know the secret to why I'm not married. I usually give them a silly answer like "oh, well you know, all the men keep turning me down when I propose". But the truth is....who the heck knows.

Yes, I came really close to getting married once, many years ago. This person was wonderful. The love of my life. I am probably still in love with him if truth be told. But the timing wasn't right. We were in different places in life. But it wasn't right and that's ok. Now he is married and has a son. I hope he is happy in life.

I get LOTS of advice on what to do to find a spouse. Oh...you should go to singles activities. Oh, you should go to parties. Oh, you should go out of your comfort zone. Oh..you should internet date. My cousins friend's uncle's neighbor's sister met her husband on blah blah blah.com. I've been set up on a few blind dates which have gone either really badly, or really great, only to never hear from the person again.

The truth is, I have tried internet dating. Once. It was horrible. I will write about that one of these days. It's a pretty funny story.

Anyway, I don't know why I'm not married. Nor do I know why the earth spins on an axis. Or why my left eye is a little more round than my right eye. Maybe one day I will learn the answers to all these questions. But I am happy. I am single. I am woman..hear me roar. I'm ok with it. Will you try to be ok with it too, please?

I'm still 17...right?

2010-09-17T10:28:00.000-06:00

This weekend is a huge milestone....my 20 year high school reunion! Crazy, right? There's NO WAY I'm old enough for this. I still remember high school like it was yesterday.

Now lest you think I'm actually taking part in this momentous occasion, let me set the record straight. Nope. No way. Not a chance. Can I get an Amen?

First of all the tickets are $100 per person. And why? Because of the open bar of course. I don't think this is very fair for all of us non-drinkers. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't get my 100 bucks worth of Cranberry Juice with gingerale (and a little slice of lime thank you very much). Add airfare to that and you're looking at a pretty penny for one night of uncomfortableness. (yes, I know that's not really a word).

Second of all, most of the people I went to high school with were pretty mean. I had some really amazing friends, all of which have decided to skip the reunion as well, but as a general rule my graduating class was filled with a bunch of not very nice people. Now I know what you're thinking. It's been 20 years. They've probably changed. I know I am not the same person that I was WAY back then. But even if they have, we weren't friends then so the chances of us being friends now is not strong. Or desired.

And lastly....I'm fat. And have zits. And no husband. 3 strikes and I'm out.

So instead I am going to lunch today with one of my college roommates that I haven't seen in 15 years. She found me on facebook! I'm so excited to see her! Now I am just trying to figure out how I can lose 30 lbs in the next 2.5 hours. Maybe I shouldn't have had a donut for breakfast. Ok. Fine. 2 donuts. Geez...you guys are so judgy!!

Um...Essscuse me?

2010-09-15T11:28:00.001-06:00

Apparently I am having an identity crisis. The other day I received something in the mail addressed to Mr. Stacy Lxxxx. It was a little odd, but I didn't think much about it since I have gotten those things before, and Stacy is a very common male name in the South. When I was little I lived in Georgia and knew a few boys that spelled their name the same way as me. I hated it. I was always so jealous of the Staceys or even the Stacies. And forget about finding a cool rainbow pencil or awesome key chain with my name spelled the right way.

Ooops...back to the subject matter at hand. My male identity.

Today I signed on to Classmates.com and this ad was waiting for me:

Stacy, more than 6310 women near Salt Lake City want to meet a man like you.

Wait...what? Are there REALLY 6310 SINGLE women in Salt Lake? I mean seriously, with that kind of competition it's no wonder I can't even get a date.

I wonder where I could move to that there wouldn't be quite so many women wanting to meet a man like me?

Candy Corns....

2010-09-09T12:35:00.000-06:00

While delicious, are not the best choice for breakfast. I’ve eaten a zillion so far today and my brain is buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzing! My hands are shaking and my teeth feel like they have sweaters on them from all the sugar.

I curse Brach’s candy for only releasing these once a year! Ok, not true. They have them at Easter too. But that was like 6 months ago and really that’s just too long for me to get my candy corn fix!

HELP! I need an intervention! Somebody call A&E!

Dear Blog,

2010-09-08T10:41:00.000-06:00

It's me. Stacy. You know, your author? I'm sorry I've neglected you. You are like a bright shiny toy. When you were all sparkly new and fresh out of the package I loved you and played with you constantly. I took you for a spin a few times a week and thought of you every waking moment.

But then, as it often does, life got in the way. Work got crazy, life became intense and I had a little breakdown. Everything got pushed aside, including you. When I wasn't working crazy hours I sat around on my couch and watched a lot of HGTV. And played Bejeweled Blitz. And worked in my backyard. And perfected my chocolate chip cookies, much to my waist line's dismay.

But now things have slowed down at work. The weather has cooled a bit. I am feeling more like myself. And I have decided to refocus my attentions on you, my little friend. I will start thinking of some awesomely funny topics and get back to work! Be patient with me...I'll be back soon!!!

Love,
Me

P.S. I will still be making chocolate chip cookies. No need to change EVERYTHING!

Real Men

2010-08-24T15:35:00.000-06:00

A real man is a woman's best friend. He will never stand her up and never let her down. He will reassure her when she feels insecure and comfort her after a bad day.

He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do; to live without fear and forget regret. He will enable her to express her deepest emotions and give in to her most intimate desires.

He will make sure she always feels as though she's the most beautiful woman in the room and will enable her to be the most confident, sexy, seductive and invincible.
No wait... sorry...
I'm thinking of wine.
It’s wine that does all that.

Never mind.

(sent to me as an email...I agree with these sentiments, though I substitute chocolate for the wine)

What NOT to do when your oven bursts in to flames

2010-08-23T09:55:00.001-06:00

1. Panic
2. Stop, Drop and Roll
3. Throw baking soda on it (this only stops grease fires, not electrical)
4. Run to your neighbor's for advice (Sorry Mary!)
5. Get out the marshmallows for S'Mores
6. Curl in to the fetal position in the corner of the room and start rocking back an forth

Just thought you might need this advice. If only someone had written this blog BEFORE my oven caught on fire this weekend! The heating element caught fire and burned itself right in half. Luckily I thought to turn the oven off and the flames went out after an hour. Ok, it was only a couple of minutes, but it felt like an hour.

The good news is it's fixable. The other good news is you can use your BBQ grill to make Nachos! And if your BBQ grill has a gas burner on it like mine, you can make blueberry pancakes for dinner on your back porch at 9:30 p.m. Yep, I'm a thinker!

TMI Tuesday

2010-08-17T12:13:00.000-06:00

A few weeks ago I had an appointment with a dermatologist. I originally made the appointment because I found a couple of spots on my chest that I was worried about and wanted to get checked out. But in truth, the REAL reason I made the appointment is because I harbor a deep dark secret.

Adult Onset Acne.

Yep, old lady zits.

I know! It's humiliating! When I was growing up I NEVER had acne. I mean seriously never. Once in a while I would have a pimple and I thought the world was coming to an end. I always felt SO SORRY for the kids that had terrible acne in highschool. And I ~~silently~~ ~~gloated~~ was thankful that I had perfect skin.

Until I turned 25.

Since then I've struggled with acne. I've been embarrassed about it for years. I know it's all relative b/c I have a friend that truly has terrible acne at age 31, but when you've had perfect skin your whole life it's amplified by a zillion times. And now I'm 37. I decided it was time to get this under control. So I made the appointment with Dr. Ross. For the 2 weeks before my appointment I prayed that this Dr. Ross was not going to look like George Clooney. You know, Dr Ross on ER?

I went to my appointment and was greeted by yet another a male nurse. Seriously? Does UT not have ANY FEMALE NURSES any more??? Dr Ross came in and my fears were confirmed. He was H.O.T. I was instantly mortified because I knew I was about to embarrass the crud out of myself.

First I had to show him the spots on my chest. I pulled down my shirt to the top of my bra, and there was a long hair coming out of my bra. From my head of course, but HELLO! Seriously???!!! I said a silent prayer that he wouldn't notice it. Or that he would think it was perfectly normal for a 12 inch long hair to be peaking out of a fat girl's bra.

Fortunately the spots were nothing to worry about. He said they were hereditary. Thanks a lot, Mom!

The next embarrassing moment came when I said I needed some skin tags removed. Ugh. I hate that word. Skin tags. It's so disgusting. I had a few ~~dozen~~ on my neck. And a ~~gazillion~~ couple under my arms. He put on his little glasses that should have made him look nerdy but only exaggerated his gorgeousness and got to business. A little pain and blood later we were good to go. He gave me some pills and cream for my face and I got out of there relatively unscathed.

That is until a few hours later when one of the removed skin tags under my arm was hurting and I went to look at it in the mirror at work. I got up close to look at it. And that's when I noticed it. The patch of hair that extend all the way across my arm pit (I hate that word too). I had missed it with my razor! For who knows how long! It looked like Sasquatch had taken up residence in there. I quickly checked my other arm pit , and sure enough, Sasquatch's twin brother. Can we all say HUMILIATION together?

Poor Dr McHotty was probably throwing up in his mouth the whole time he was working on me.

I'm supposed to go back in October. I wonder if I can afford laser hair removal by then?

Parlais Vous blah blah blah?

2010-08-04T09:56:00.004-06:00

My sister called me a few months ago and asked what I thought about hosting a french person for a few weeks at our house. We talked about it a little and decided to go for it. Sis' school is starting a french immersion program and this girl will be the new french teacher. I guess she's not really a girl...She's 28. But seeing as I turned 82 at Raging Waters on Monday, she seems like a girl to me.

Anyhoo....Frenchy is arriving this Friday. (I've been calling her Frenchy for a while now for lack of a better name. I mean I'm sure she has a better name, but I don't know what it is yet). I am nervous for several reasons. First off, me no speaky the French-y. The only line I know is from that song...and it's dirty. So I ~~probably~~ definitely won't say it while she's here. Secondly, she doesn't like dogs. You may or may not know this, but we have 3 of them. And for someone who doesn't like dogs, 3 seems like a thousand. (Heck, for someone who DOES like dogs 3 seems like a thousand at times). Hopefully we've found a place for Jag aka Mr. Naughty, and Dandie and I will be house/dog sitting for the first week for my friend. This just leaves Mimi the Wonder Chihuahua at home with my sister and Frenchy. And even non-dog lovers LOVE Mimi. She's just a character and loves everyone....as long as YOU are not a dog that is.

My only true interaction with French people are the ones that call or email me to say they want to rent a powerboat for one day at Lake Powell. They all start their email with "We are French". Um, ok dude. And one of them stalked me and threatened to sue me, so you can imagine how I feel about them. And The Real World Paris. (Remember when CT and Adam got in that fight in the street? So intense!!)

So suffice it to say that my perception of the French Folk is not that great. I am hoping this experience will change my mind on the French. Because seriously, dudes speaking English with a french accident? H.O.T!

We are trying to think of things to introduce her to American Culture. Ever been to Utah? Yeah, not your typical America. So far we are taking her to the pool, the Farmers Market, Park City to ride the gondola and to eat at one of the best Mexican joints on the planet (Baja Cantina....mmmmm I can taste the TJ Taxi now!).

And that's all we've got.

Suggestions?

Tuesday's Top Ten

2010-08-03T14:17:00.000-06:00

Top 10 signs that you are too ~~fat~~ ~~old~~ mature to go to Raging Waters water park:

1. You get there right when the open to avoid standing in any lines

2. Every sentence starts with "For $23 per person you'd think they would ... (have cleaner bathrooms, have more free tubes, have fresh hot dog buns, etc...)

3. After eating your $1 hot dog you wonder if it was worth the dollar

4. You get light headed and nauseous after walking up the stairs to the very first (and subsequently) last water slide of the day.

5. The lazy river is too rapid for you.

6. You fall asleep on the lounge chair and start snoring instead of sitting and talking to your friends.

7. You consider purchasing a swim cap so as not to get your hair wet

8. You tell a child that he is being rude and inconsiderate when he almost runs over you with his tube in the wave pool. And then seethe when he shrugs his shoulders and paddles away.

9. You briefly consider swimming after that same child and holding him under water for 12 seconds, but then decide not to because you really have to get of the pool to go potty.

10. You are so exhausted and sore that night after 5 hours of laying around in the sun all day that you can't mow the lawn. Or empty the dishwasher. Or carry on a coherent conversation.

Wordless Wednesday - aka Free Cocker Spaniel day

2010-07-28T11:10:00.000-06:00

I probably don't have Alzheimers...

2010-07-15T00:01:00.002-06:00

But is 37 too young for early onset?

Yesterday I left the house 20 minutes early so that I could drop Jag the cookoo cocker off at the groomers and doggy day care. Put him in the car and we drove merrily on our way. We talked a little on the way. Ok, I talked, he pretended to listen. Typical male.

Driving on autopilot as I often do I was about 5 minutes away from work when I looked at the clock and was so pleased to see that I was 15 minutes early! That is until I looked at the passenger seat and realized the dang dog was still there. Yep! I forgot to drop him off. Needless to say I was 15 minutes late after that.

But don't worry, it runs in my family.

My sister loves to talk on her cell phone on speaker. It drives the entire world crazy because you can't ever hear a word that she says. Yesterday she was talking on the phone to her boss and walking around the house when she heard her boss say "I can't hear you". Sis thought that was so weird...until she looked down at her hand and realized she was talking in to a piece of paper. Her phone was about a block away on the kitchen counter.

Did I mention BOTH of my grandmothers had Alzheimers? I'm sure it's not hereditary. Oh wait. It is. We're toast!

Wordless Wednesday - Happy 1st birthday Monkey Boy!

2010-07-14T00:01:00.002-06:00

Not So Wordless Wednesday

2010-06-30T10:00:00.001-06:00

No, I haven't seen your lipstick!!!

Why would you even ask me that? I'm insulted! Every time something goes missing around here, everybody looks at me! For your information, I don't even wear that shade - it doesn't flatter my complexion and it tastes terrible. oops...

(fortunately this is NOT my dog!)

Post It Note Tuesday - I'm BACK!!

2010-06-29T10:26:00.001-06:00

Wordless Wednesday - AKA todays Drool Fest

2010-06-16T13:01:00.000-06:00

Post It Notes Tuesday - Today's Randoms

2010-06-15T10:18:00.001-06:00

Post It Note Tuesday sponsored by:

Things I've learned this week

2010-06-10T12:38:00.001-06:00

1. If awakened at 5:30 a.m. by the sound of a THUD and a flash of black and white, go investigate. You might just find your cocker spaniel with your brand new $90 shoe in his mouth.

2. If, while lying in bed trying to fall asleep at night, you hear crinkling, then several thuds, go investigate. You might just find your cocker spaniel with a bag of tomatoes on the floor. If he then streaks past you and runs to your bedroom, you will definitely find him in there eating one of the tomatoes as fast as his little doggy face can manage.

3. The 2nd bag of coconut m&ms does not taste as good as the first bag if eaten immediately in succession. Use a little self restraint and wait 10 minutes before moving on to the 2nd bag.

4. Some people are just going to be stupid no matter how intelligently you try to reason with them. And those same people will most likely leave the conversation feeling that YOU are actually the stupid one.

5. My pharmacist says the insane itchiness that I feel might be due to my anxiety rather than my allergies. That's something that might have been useful to know a year ago.

6. Rain makes corn. Corn makes Whiskey. Whiskey makes my baby feel a little frisky.

Self review = Sometimes I'm a meanie

2010-06-07T23:29:00.000-06:00

Last week I was asked by my boss to do my annual self review for my year's evaluation. I put it off as long as I could but was finally told on Friday that I was out of time. Tonight as I was working on it, I checked my email and I saw that I had a comment on my last blog which made fun of a wedding announcement.

The person claimed to be the bride in the announcement and basically chastised me and my readers for our judgmental comments on her wedding announcement and her relationship in general. I do sincerely apologize for any hurt that I might have caused her. I do not know this person nor do I know how she found my blog but embarrassment to her was not my intent. I removed the post from my blog and will think twice in the future about posting any thing that might hurt someone.

This "incident' has caused me to do my own self review...of my life, my priorities, and how I treat others. I am a work in progress. I do not claim to be perfect. However I am a grown woman and I need to be more aware of those around me. I will try harder to be more selfless and kinder to those that I encounter in life, whether in real life or blog life.

Post it Note Tuesday

2010-06-01T10:56:00.001-06:00

Post It Note Tuesday

2010-05-25T09:57:00.001-06:00

I'm too depressed to blog

2010-05-24T18:45:00.003-06:00

And why you ask?

Because it SNOWED today. SNOW! In late MAY!

Thankfully my sweet sister covered all my tomato and pepper plants with a sheet. Three sheets to be exact. Come to think of it, I hope she didn't use my 400 thread count sheets.

Oh dear, now I'm depressed AND worried about my sheets!

snow
sheets
sigh

Wordless Wednesday - Stripper Chic?

2010-05-19T00:01:00.000-06:00

Well I'll be!

2010-05-17T21:48:00.001-06:00

Thanks for stopping by! Today is my special day....I'm the featured blogger on SITS! YAHOO!!! YIPPEE!!! ZANG!!! Ok, so I'm not really sure what Zang means, but it seemed like a natural progression.

As my profile says, I'm a 30-something single LDS gal living in Utah. It's a pretty great place to be...6 months out of the year. When it's not WINTER! We just had snow 2 weeks ago for pity's sake!

I'm not a mommy blogger like lots of the SITS gals are, though with 2, and often 3, dogs in the house, I haven't had a private bathroom trip in 3 years. So I can relate ladies!

And now the fun (I hope) begins. Linky lous to my past blogs. Wanna get to know me better? Well I could spout a bunch of details, but this post will tell you 15 things about me that you may or may not want to know.

Living in Utah is not without it's trials. I have recently been a victim of "fowl" play. Yes, I have a stalker. Read all the sordid details here and here. After much intense therapy I think I will get through this horrible ordeal.

As a single gal in my almost 40s (shhhhhhhhhh) I occasionally get calls from those do-gooder friends that think I should join them in their marital bliss. Um, no thanks. With my options dwindling and experiences like the blind date from hell, you can see why I'm happy to stay single.

I used to be an amazing baker, but recently I've had more baking disasters than baking wins. Ha! Tricked you on that one!

I could go on and on about myself, but I don't want to be selfish. Let's talk about you. What do you think about me? :)

Thank you again for stopping by. I hope you take the time to read more of my blog. Some of favorites are in the early days like my several letters to inanimate objects and my lengthy list of, well, lists.

And thanks to Heather and Tiffany at SITS...what an amazing community of awesome bloggers they have put together. I have met so many wonderful ladies that I know would be my besties if we met in real life!

Feel Good Friday

2010-05-14T09:42:00.001-06:00

* I did not write this. I wish I had. Sadly I am not often inspirational. However I agree wholeheartedly with its message.

For the past few days, while I tried to enjoy one of the greatest golf tournaments in the world, all I was entertained with was the Tiger Woods show. As soon as one golfer would hit a tee shot or make a putt, it seemed that the next view would be that of Tiger Woods. Tiger Woods just missing a putt that would have put him in contention with the other golfers. Tiger Woods hooking his drive which showed how his time off had hurt his game.

Tiger Woods trying to "respect" the game. How it seemed that the Tiger was able to put his past transgressions behind him and was able to concentrate on the job at hand. It just kept going on and on about Tiger this and Tiger that.

On the other hand, a little miracle was occurring at the Masters; one golfer just kept smiling. He smiled if he made a good drive, or if he made a bad drive. He smiled if he made a 50 foot putt or missed a 5 foot putt.

As he walked between holes, he smiled and shook hands with the crowd. He never cursed a bad stoke or blamed another person for a miss. All he did was smile.

Why would Phil Mickelson be smiling? Here was a man whose wife has breast cancer. Here was a man whose mother has breast cancer. Here is a man who rather than allow his wife and mother to fight this battle by them-selves, took time off from the PGA tour to be with them. Here was a man that returned to the game he loved when his wife ordered him to. Here was a man, who was so glad for the miracle that was happening as his wife moved closer to a cure, that he rewarded her oncologist by allowing him to be his guest caddy at last week's golf tournament. This move, which could have cost Mickelson thousands of dollars in purse money, was his gift to a man he knew he could never thank enough for what he had given to him. During the last round today, Phil's wife was staying in their hotel room since she was still weak from the chemo treatments she is receiving. Phil did not know as he walked up to the 18th tee that his wife would be there. All Phil did was smile. He smiled at the crowd, he smiled to the TV audience, smiled to God. After his last putt found the bottom of the hole, he hugged his caddy and others and walked to the scorer's shack. He then gave the biggest smile of the whole four days. He saw his wife, and even in the midst of thousands of people, it seemed that only two where there.

Today I am going to smile. I am going to smile if it is nice weather or bad. I am going to smile at the driver who honks his horn at me, or the driver who cuts me off. I am going to smile if I get the order or not. And when the day is done, I am going to save my biggest smile for the person who makes me complete. Then I am going to look to the heavens and give thanks for being able to smile.

Thanks Phil! God bless you and your family. And keep on smiling!

Wordless...Thursday?

2010-05-13T09:30:00.000-06:00

Please help baby Hailey's family

2010-05-12T11:29:00.001-06:00

Hello all,

Please go to this blog today and bid on her silent auction. The proceeds go to a family who lost their baby girl to SIDS when she was only a couple of months old. They cannot afford a headstone for her grave. It is very sad and touching, and amazing that their sister has put this together.

Hailey Angel Silent Auction

I will be bidding on the birthday plate...I think it's so darling!

Post It Note Tuesday

2010-05-11T00:01:00.003-06:00

Have you ever had one of those days....

2010-05-03T10:44:00.000-06:00

....when you over sleep and finally get up 14 minutes before you are supposed to leave for work? And you put on a new shirt and inspect yourself in the mirror, thinking you look pretty cute? And somehow your hair still has some of the curl in it from yesterday so you just throw a pretty flower clip in it to finish off the look. And you leave the house feeling pretty lucky that you are such a goddess that you don't even need to put any effort in to looking good for the day?

Then as you are walking in to work you catch a glimpse of yourself in the semi-mirrored doors and something looks a little off? You walk in to the elevator with mirrored walls (why is everything at my work mirrored!!) and you look like you ate an entire humpback whale for breakfast even though all you really had was a bowl of Kashi cereal with soy milk and 1 2 3 cookies? And you see the back of your hair and realize that what you thought were soft curls actually resemble knotted mouse nests?

Somehow you make it to the bathroom just to confirm that the elevator mirrors were really just fun house mirrors from the carnival...and you realize that you look like the female equivalent to the Elephant Man?

You take a deep breath, tell yourself you can do this, put your shoulders back, chest out and suck in your gut as far as you can because you know you have to make it past that guy's office that you work with that used to be a model and even though you think he's a major jack hole you don't want him to think Shamu just swam by his office?

PLEASE tell me you've had one of those days....and that it's not just me??

I think I need another cookie.

Feel Good Friday

2010-04-30T10:11:00.005-06:00

I received this in an email today from a friend. I thought it was fitting with the happenings of the world today.

The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him. Every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming.

Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect himself from the elements, and to store his few possessions. One day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, with smoke rolling up to the sky. He felt the worst had happened, and everything was lost. He was stunned with disbelief, grief, and anger. He cried out, 'God! How could you do this to me?'

Early the next day, he was awakened by the sound of a ship approaching the island! It had come to rescue him! 'How did you know I was here?' asked the weary man of his rescuers. 'We saw your smoke signal,' they replied.

The Moral of This Story: It's easy to get discouraged when things are going bad, but we shouldn't lose heart because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of our pain and suffering.

Remember that the next time your little hut seems to be burning to the ground it just may be a smoke signal that summons the Grace of God.

If you want to join the Feel Good Friday, click on the picture above and go to the little McLinky!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-04-28T09:40:00.003-06:00

If at first you don't succeed

2010-04-26T09:25:00.000-06:00

Try a different recipe!

Take That, Neeleys!

Just Because You're Paranoid....

2010-04-23T09:45:00.000-06:00

Doesn't mean they're not after you. And by "they" I mean the ducks. Click here for the original stalking tale.

(Pictures taken by my car yesterday).

If my tire falls off, you know who to blame!

Wordless Wednesday - Sorta

2010-04-21T00:00:00.001-06:00

Beans don't burn in the kitchen....

2010-04-18T23:49:00.001-06:00

Remember the song from the Jeffersons? What?? Am I the only child of the 70s in blog land? Geez, I hope not!

My sister is an excellent cook. I am just ok. I mean I CAN cook, but seriously, I have to read the recipe like a zillion and a half times, and even then I often miss a step. I blame it on the fact that I have a problem with math. ie: I'm a math moron.

But I digress. My sister does most of the cooking in the house. I usually stick to things that I know or family recipes. Such as my nana's baked beans...(see, there WAS a point to my blog title). It is a sacred family recipe that I have shared with a few of my gal pals, but they have been sworn to secrecy with promises of death if divulged to any outsiders.

Today I decided it was my turn to cook. Out came the top secret baked bean recipe. And the NY strip steaks from the freezer. (FYI, I am a pro bbq-er...my sister can't even turn the grill on). And just for grins I decided to make homemade biscuits. From scratch, people! I went online to www.foodnetwork.com and searched. The Neeley's buttermilk biscuits seemed like a cinch.

I put the butter in the freezer like they recommended. Then I cut it in with a fork (which p.s. took forever and gave me a self diagnoses of carpal tunnel syndrome. Note to self...buy pastry cutter). Added the buttermilk, gently made a square and used my cute new scalloped biscuit cutters that inspired this brave fete.

And all this whilst making the most delicious version of baked beans yet, and enjoying a hardy duet by my sister and I of "Beans don't burn in the kitchen, beans don't burn on the grill....."

Oh, AND grilling the steaks to perfection, and watering my new square foot garden box so that my cold crop veggies could get a little drinky poo.

The timer went off, and I skipped to the oven, eager to see my maiden biscuit voyage.

They looked like this:

I know, right?! Gorgeous!

Ok, fine, they really looked like this:

Apparently BEANS don't burn in the kitchen, but BISCUITS do! Dang those Neeleys! Why do they have to act all cool with their "honey child" and "mmmm hmmmm girl". Next time I'm going with another family recipe passed down for generations.

WTD....What the Duck?

2010-04-12T22:29:00.001-06:00

I've telling my friend at work for the past several weeks AND my sister that I think I'm being stalked by 2 ducks at work.

So here's the back story. Last year during an especially rainy week, I went downstairs at work to go to my car, and there were 2 ducks sitting on the entryway right outside the glass doors, looking right at me, quacking. I wondered if they were trying to tell me something. They were there again the next day during another rain storm. I decided if they were there again tomorrow I'd better go to home depot and start gathering wood and nails. You know, for the ark I was obviously supposed to build!

After a few weeks of this business they finally disappeared for the summer. They were hanging out with their buddies the Geese at the local watering hole...aka the pond around the corner. I spent the summer hopskotching over geese and duck poo on the sidewalk every day.

One day I looked out my 3rd story office window, and there they were....standing in the grass...staring up at my window...quacking! YIKES! I pointed it out to a girl in the office but they were gone! Dang ducks.

I was so glad when autumn came and most of the ducks flew south for the winter. I almost forgot about their tyranny until 2 weeks ago. I came out of work, and they were blocking my pathway to the parking lot. Just standing there. Quacking. Taunting me! I called my sister on my cell phone and whispered an SOS "THE DUCKS ARE BACK! THEY WON'T LET ME LEAVE!" She laughed and made some noises about me being nuts. Mmm hmmm she said. Whatever. The next day I drove back to work after lunch and who was sitting in my parking spot? Yep, those same ducks!

I briefly considered running them over but instead I waited patiently for them to move. They flew away, but not before pooping on my car.

Finally on Friday I was able to obtain proof of the stalking. As I drove in to the work parking lot, I was met by this little scene:

And as I snuck closer to take a picture, Goose #1 started honking and flapping his wings like crazy to his comrades across the street....who came running, flapping, honking, quacking in a flock of flapping wings....and who were they you ask? The DANG ducks!!! I high tailed it to my office with my life barely in tact!

Ten minutes later a different friend at work randomly sent me a link to the website www.friendsofirony.com. And what was on page 5? Can you guess??

Is it just me....

2010-04-12T11:44:00.000-06:00

Or is the Disney Channel taking over the world? Seems like every time I turn on the radio a new Disney Kid has a song out.

Talented little buggers, aren't they? But no one will take the place of little Selena Gomez in my heart...even if she did just break up with one of the Jo Bros.

Seriously, aren't I just way too old to know all this crap? I really should work on getting my own life.

Confessions of a disenchanted blogger....

2010-04-07T23:48:00.000-06:00

I've recently taken a bit of a sabbatical from blogging. Did you notice? Did you miss me? No, probably not. That's ok though...we are all busy!

I started blogging in 2008 because I'd found a few blogs out there that I thought were fun, funny, light-hearted, everything that I wanted MY blog to be. I joined an awesome blog community. Some really great gals started reading my blog and I felt like a sortof friendship was formed. I read their blogs too and found other great people through them.

Then I got a little blog obsessed. I found myself constantly thinking about my next blog and feeling sad if I couldn't think of anything funny to blog about. I started following people because I thought it was the thing to do, getting obsessed with how many people were reading me, commenting, etc. I'd stay up late every night reading blogs, commenting, moving on the next blog. Then there was a little "episode" that I read about on someone's blog where she and another blogger were in a terrible argument and disparaging things were said by each other about each other. I started thinking...what in the world is going on? These people didn't even know each other in real life... and they became enemies over a BLOG?

I felt myself becoming disenchanted.....falling out of love with blogging. I felt like it was taking over my life. Isn't that crazy?! Yet as I was reading a few other blogs here and there I discovered that other people were feeling the same way. I realized that blogging is a "soft addiction". You know, like checking your email a hundred times a day even though you JUST checked it 2 minutes ago? Or checking your phone to see if you missed a text in the 45 seconds that it took you to go to the bathroom. Or dreaming about vanilla creme donuts from Dunkin Donuts.

So I took a little time off. I un-followed a few people. I only read the blogs of the people that I really cared about. I decided that from now on I would only follow people that I really felt a connection to. That I felt like we could be friends if we ever met in person. And I would go back to blogging for me...not for what others might think. I try to keep my blogs light hearted and fun. I don't really think anyone wants to hear about my problems, mostly because they are inconsequential and minute compared to some of the things that other people have to deal with.

I am a happy person and have a great life. I am surrounded by friends and family that love me. I have a job that I enjoy most of the time and keeps me in a comfortable life style. I have a roof over my head and a huge yard that I get to play in and create flowers and vegetables. I belong to a wonderful church and am loved by a Father in Heaven that has accepted me for my flaws and forgiven me for my sins....of which there have been plenty.

I am going to work harder on balancing my blogging life and not let it invade my real life. Because there is so much in the world that I want to do and see...... Life should be an adventure, not to be wasted sitting at a computer and dreaming of the life that we don't have.

Wordless Wednesday....Happy Spring???

2010-04-07T09:35:00.002-06:00

Hello, Lover!

2010-04-05T12:19:00.003-06:00

Anybody remember the line from Sex in the City when Carrie sees the newest Manolos in the store front window? I felt the exact same way this weekend. My sister and I took a fun little trip to Albuquerque. Imagine my delight when we saw this little gem:

(What? You don't know of my infinite love of Dunkin Donuts? You can read all about it in my love letter to Dunkin Donuts and my letter to Cupid !)

We went to Dunkin Donuts this weekend 2 days in a row. I won't tell you how many donuts I ate because it's embarrassing. Unfortunately, my favorite donut, the VANILLA CREME (yes, this deserves all caps, special colors and a marching band) has been discontinued. It was extremely disappointing. I was able to console myself with a bavarian cream though. And a toasted coconut. And a chocolate glazed. And a....oops, I've said too much.

I am considering opening a Dunkin Donuts franchise in Utah. It is beyond me why no one else has thought of this. Now if I could just get my hands on $150,000 in start up fees.....

BEWARE OF IDENTITY THEFT THIS EASTER - Wordless Wednesday

2010-03-31T09:18:00.000-06:00

Some people should not be allowed on the phone

2010-03-30T12:02:00.002-06:00

I'm not usually one to post twice in one day...especially when I've been AWOL in the blog world the past couple of weeks. However I could not pass up sharing this amazing conversation I had today on the phone with a client. Let me set the stage for you...I'm sitting at my desk, painting my nails a nice springy pink. (What?! I'm still thinking springy thoughts!)

My phone rings, I politely answer:

Me: This is Stacy, how can I help you.

Him: Yeah, I see your area code is 801. Does that mean you are in Salt Lake?

Me: Yes, that's right.

Him: Well what is this call regarding?

Me: I'm sorry?

Him: What are you calling me for? What is this call in regards to?

Me: I'm sorry, I'm not sure what you mean. You called me.

Him: No I didn't.

Me: Yes, you did.

Him: No, I didn't.

Me: Well sir, I'm sitting at my desk, my phone rang, I answered it and there you were.

Him: Hold on.

(I hear mumbling in the background)

Him: I guess my son called you back. Someone from your company called and he hit the return from caller ID. What is this call regarding?

Me: Well, we are a houseboat company. Did you call us about a houseboat trip?

Him: Oh yeah, that's right. I did.

Unfortunately the call did not get much better once we got that all straightened out.

Is it October yet?

Post It Note Tuesday

2010-03-30T09:53:00.002-06:00

My Dog Ate My Homework and other random things

2010-03-25T11:20:00.000-06:00

Remember my love letter to Jag, our new foster dog? Yeah....that might have been a little premature. While I still love him, I've discovered a few reasons as to why his original parents might have given him up.

1. He eats paper. Namely my library book. Fortunately I heard the rustling after he took his first bite of page 234. I was able to save the rest of it. Wasn't so lucky with the bag of pasta that he found in the food storage room. He chewed a hole in the plastic and spilled pasta all over the rug. Note to self...when you hear thumping upstairs, put the DVR on pause and investigate.

2. He is obsessed with his fuzzy soccer ball. Won't leave it alone. Licks it. Rubs his body all over it. Walks around the house with it in his mouth. And wants me to throw it to him....all the freaking time.

3. He does not like to sleep past 6:30 a.m. On any day. Especially the weekends. Or yesterday when I had a bad headache and tried to sleep in before going to work late.

4. He barks at birds. Obsessively. Won't stop even when I squirt him with the squirt bottle. Happy Spring! Did I mention we have a little birdy couple building a nest in our back deck awning?

5. He cries and whines if I leave him alone for even a minute. Forget about going to the bathroom alone...he pushes the door open and sits at my feet. Or rather, on my feet.

6. He acted inappropriately towards my friends' rocking stuffed gorilla while her baby was sitting on it. I won't go in to details, but let's just say I don't think it was intended to be ridden that way.

But when he sees me coming around the corner, up the stairs, or in the front door, his little stump of a tail wags so hard that his entire booty shakes. My heart melts and he's back in my good graces...until next time.

Friday Funny

2010-03-19T11:38:00.000-06:00

This week has been super busy. I feel badly that I haven't really posted or been able to catch up on anyone else's blogs. I promise to do better next week.

Here's a Friday Funny to get you through the week!

WHY YOU NEVER QUESTION A DRUNK...

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where
she selected:
a half-gallon of 2% milk,
a carton of eggs,
a quart of orange juice,
a head of romaine lettuce,
a 2 lb. can of coffee and
a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to
check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she
placed the items in front of the cashier. While the
cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly
stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but
she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since
she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on
the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about
her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to
her marital status.

Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well,
you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on
earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, " 'Cause you're ugly

Post It Note Tuesday

2010-03-16T09:46:00.001-06:00

Walk MS

2010-03-10T22:43:00.002-07:00

My dear friend Renee was diagnosed with MS a few years ago. She is a young mother and wife. She is very vibrant and one of the most caring people that I know. She has great hair and never goes anywhere without her lipstick!

I am joining in the fight against MS by walking on April 24th in Salt Lake City. This walk is 3 miles! Yikes! I am very out of shape and have a hard time walking long distances due to fibromyalgia....and too many donuts. But I CAN walk! And I know Renee would do this for me. If you are local and would like to join our team, Running With Scissors, please let me know. Otherwise if you would like to donate to our team you can do so by clicking on the link below.

By joining my team, you will be signing up not just for a day of fun, but also for a celebration of the great things we can achieve when working together for a common cause. Each step we take brings us one step closer to a cure - and closer to a world free of multiple sclerosis. So what are you waiting for? Join my team today or make a donation on my behalf. Please click here for to join or donate!

P.S. If you would like more information about the National Multiple Sclerosis Society, how proceeds from Walk MS are used, or the other ways you can get involved to create a world free of MS, please visit www.curemsutah.org

I Can Make a Difference

Donate to Stacy!

Join Stacy's Team!

View Running with Scissors

Miss Stacy M Ludlow

Goal: $250.00
Achieved: $25.00

Donate to Event!

Fundraising Honor Roll

Post It Note Tuesday

2010-03-09T10:09:00.002-07:00

It's raining men!

2010-03-04T19:58:00.001-07:00

Ok, one man to be exact. There's a new fella in my life. We met last week and it was love at first sight. He looked at me with his dark brown eyes and I was hooked.

He goes by the name Jag. Cool, right? At first I was like, Jack? No baby, it's Jag. Oh. Nice!

Jag infiltrated my life quickly. He is playful and fun, yet has a serious side. He does have some quirks. He's a little jumpy, and he snores like a freight train, with a nose whistle. Really? Yeah, terrible. And he likes to hog my side of the bed. Not cool buddy. But then again, my dog Dandie likes to sleep on the pillow next to me so I guess what's a guy to do but make his own space where he can?

He eats a lot! And he's a bit stinky. Like he really needs a bath...every day! Last night I was up late blogging and he fell asleep next to me. Suddenly I hear a disgusting noise....yep, man gas. Ick! It woke him up and he just looked at me like....what?

Mimi the wonder Chihuahua isn't a huge fan, but then again she's not a fan of much. Plus he likes to tease her and steal her ball and that girl doesn't like to share!

He's a little camera shy, but I was able to sneak a little shot of him tonight.

What did you think I was talking about?!

P.S. Jag is our new foster and is up for adoption. Let me know if you're interested! He's really the best little dog!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-03-03T00:01:00.001-07:00

I'd like to thank the Academy

2010-03-02T09:26:00.000-07:00

I've recently been given 2 more blog awards. This always brightens my day and makes me feel special!

The first one was given to me a few weeks ago by the lovely Heather at Acting Balanced. She thinks I've got sunshine in my soul!

And then today my dear friend Cindy from high school gave me this little number. (Her blog title is sooooo fitting...she really IS full of light...and life! What a heart on that girl!

Normally the rules are to pass the first award on to 12 people and the 2nd award to 7 people. Instead I just want to say that I follow a bunch of amazing blogging ladies. You can look at some of them through the links on the right of my blog, or click on my profile for a complete list. Please take the time to check out their blogs. Some are witty, some are poignant, some are amazing photographers. I love the world of blog and the variety of people in it.

May I have the envelope please??

2010-02-27T00:08:00.001-07:00

Thank you so much to all those that participated in my Random Acts of Kindness giveaway! Because of you, 20 fabulous acts of kindness were received. Hopefully some of those people passed it on, and they passed it on, and then THEY passed...ok, well you get the picture!

Ok, Ok....so the part you've all been waiting for...................The 2 winners!!

And they are....................

Christopher's mommy at Peeperspage
AND
Mary at...well, I'm not sure she wants me to put her blog address on here, but just know that she's awesome...and NOT just because she's my neighbor! (Plus she loaned me an egg tonight so I could make lemon squares...see? She really is awesome!)

I used random.org to find the winning numbers. I tried to save the pics so I could show them to you, but I couldn't figure it out, so there you have it.

I am so glad that these 2 ladies won. They both did the most acts of kindness out of everyone so it's only fitting that they won the Pay it Forward prize!! Remember, the rules to this giveaway are that you now must do your own give away in return, and link back to my blog.

Thanks again to everyone that entered, and let's keep up the kindness!

Last day to enter

2010-02-26T10:54:00.000-07:00

Hello folks! Today is the last day to enter my giveaway. I hope you aren't thinking too hard about the random act of kindness. You don't have to donate a kidney or perform CPR on a dying cat or anything like that.

Make your kids a special breakfast that is not the norm? Counts. Empty the dishwasher even though it was just your turn to fill? You betcha. Be especially nice to that girl in your office that hates you because you are trying to kill her with kindness? You can for sure use it...but from my experience she won't come around. She will just hate you more for being so dang chipper all the time.

Here's the link in case you need it again! My First Give Away!!

Try not to be embarrassed for me, BUT.....

2010-02-24T01:24:00.001-07:00

I made my first purchase on QVC tonight.

I know, it's humiliating! I'm 37 and single, and now I'm ordering off of Q. V. Freakin'. C. I might as well get me a bunch of cats while I'm at it, cause I just sealed my fate of dying an old bitter maid.

Here's the problem. I have a bit of a problem with insomnia....and even though I'm EXHAUSTED at night, I often can't sleep, so on goes the TV until the wee hours of the morning. That's how I got my addiction to The Wizards of Waverly Place. OOH! Have you heard Salena Gomez's new song on the radio? SO awesome!

Anywhootles....anyone that's up late enough knows that not much is on the old boob tube after 1 a.m. except infomercials. I cannot tell you how many times I've watched the one on WEN hair products by Chaz Dean (loved him on "Flipping Out"). That little Melissa Gilbert can really suck you in with her infomercial skills...she's a REALLY good actress. And don't get me started on Valerie Bertanelli and her show on Cindy Crawford's skin care line...that biotch looks amazing at 46 (thanks Surfer Wife for your awesome celebrity encounter BTW).

So this has been going on for several weeks. And even though I've ~~had to sit on my hands to not get my credit card out of my wallet~~ been slightly tempted to call once or twice, I have held fast and firm to the truth that TV advertising is junk. (Anyone remember the Perfect Brownie Pan disaster of '09?)

Tonight I was upstairs cleaning up the kitchen, minding my own business, when I strolled by the

livingroom and this picture caught my eye.

What's that you ask? Why it's the Cottage Farms 12-piece miniature rose collection, of course! I couldn't resist it. It was only $29.9 plus shipping. And the two gay guys on QVC talked me in to it! (The gays can be a pretty persuasive people ya know!) So with 10 seconds to spare, I swallowed my pride, called Julie on QVC and gave her my debit card. She was really nice and didn't act like I had anything to be embarrassed about, by the way.

Though that didn't stop me from talking quietly so my sister wouldn't call upstairs to ask me who I was talking to.

P.S. Only 3 more days to enter my giveaway!

Post It Note Tuesday

2010-02-23T10:44:00.003-07:00

100th Post AND a.......GIVEAWAY!!! YIPPEE!!!

2010-02-18T22:49:00.001-07:00

Oh my Gosh! I've just been doing silly posts this week and HAPPENED to check my post counter and realized I had almost MISSED my 100th POST!!! That would have been horrible! Ok, probably only horrible to me, I'm sure no one else would have noticed...or cared.

Except that I am also doing my very first GIVEAWAY! TIMES 2! Woot Woot!

I was the lucky recipient of the Pay it Forward prize from the lovely Theresa at Too Many Heartbeats. She sent me a great package with yummy smelling candles, a cute mug, a starbucks gift card (which I gifted to my friend Cat) and a great book on 30 days of worship.

Now it's my turn to Pay it Forward to Two of my lovely readers. TWO (2) winners will be chosen randomly by a very clever random chooser thing-a-ma-jiggy that has yet to be discovered. These lucky ducks will receive a fancy package with a few of my favorite things! (I promise it will not include girls in white dresses OR schnitzel with noodles...I'm pretty sure that would NOT package well). Hint: I love cookies, chocolate, flowers and gardening, and ummmm.....well to be honest I haven't put that much thought in to it yet.

I don't like to beg people to follow my blog (but I won't turn ya away if ya wanna!), and I certainly don't know how to Tweet. So how can you enter to win my fabulous prize of a few of my favorite things?

Let me start off by saying that this year in Primary we have asked the children to participate in Random Acts of Kindness. To step outside themselves and serve someone unselfishly. Since this is something that helps the world go round, I say why the heck not! So the way to enter is simple: Participate in a Random Act of Kindness and leave me a comment on this post about it. You can either do the act yourself, oversee the act (if your child wants to participate), or be the recipient of an act of kindness. You may enter up to five times. (not that I'm trying to limit your kindness...feel free to do more on your own!)

Contest ends at 11:59 MST on Friday, February 26th. I will draw TWO (2) winners at random and announce them on Saturday, February 27. PLEASE be sure to leave your email address if it is not visible on your profile. I will notify both winners via email and they will have 48 hours to respond.

So have a happy day and let's get out there and be kind!

Kids Say the Darndest Things

2010-02-17T10:58:00.003-07:00

What? 2 posts in one day? I know, I know...how indulgent of me! But I couldn't pass this up.

Last night my friend and I were cleaning out the primary closet at church. (Primary in my church is the "sunday school" for the little kids. Someone thought it would be funny to make me the Primary President. Their serious lack of judgement aside, I love it!) The closet was a BIG ole mess and hadn't been cleaned out in several months.

Kristi brought her 3 kids along since their daddy was in the gym playing a "friendly" game of ward Ball. Jennalynn, the middle child, is 4 and one of the funniest (and naughtiest) creatures on this planet. She is teeny tiny but packs a LOT of personality let me tell you.

We were getting caught up in our groove thang when Kristi realized she hadn't seen the kids in a while. After a quick exploration, she found Jenna in the primary room, standing at the podium with the microphone practically in her mouth, giving a little talk....to no one. "Guys, Guys. Do you know who the Holy Ghost is? He's a big guy. Kinda like a snowman."

What?? Seriously.....where do kids think up this stuff? Had a good little chuckle over that one!