I've blogged before about the nudist colony that I grew up in, aka the Ludlow household. As you know, I am still traumatized by nakedness.

What you might not know is that there was no privacy in my house during other sacred acts as well. For example, potty time was party time in my house. Actual conversation from high school. "Hey, we need to have a family meeting. Oh, Stacy, you're in the bathroom, that's ok, we'll all just come in there". Ok, so maybe it didn't quite happen that way, but I think you understand what I'm saying.

So anyway, this is something that has haunted me throughout my adult life. After many years of people making fun of me, I have finally learned to pee in a public restroom even if I know who is next to me, though I still will try to go several stalls away. Don't get me wrong..just because I CAN pee with you sitting next to me, doesn't mean I think it should be done.

Here are some very vital rules to bathroom etiquette that I think the world is lacking.

1. If you are the office manager/receptionist/assistant/admin/busybody and you happen to sit at the front entrance to the office, don't comment on how many times someone has gone to the bathroom that day. Oh, Stacy, you're going AGAIN??? Yeah, so what?! I have a small bladder and I drink a lot of water!
2. Don't comment on how long someone has been gone. Everyone deserves their own private potty time. Who cares if it took me 7 minutes. Maybe I made a phone call on the way. Maybe I stopped to help an old lady in to the stall. Maybe I had to wait for that same old lady to finish so that I could pee in private. Or maybe it just took me a while. Big Deal!!
3. Don't talk to me in the bathroom. Talking just makes things take longer.
4. If you see my shoes under the stall just pretend you didn't see me.
5. Put the toilet seat down. Every day I walk in to the bathroom at work and the seats are up. IN THE LADIES ROOM! Now, I realize it's because the housekeeper (a dude) cleaned them that morning but come on!
6. Replace the toilet paper roll if you use the last square. And when you replace that roll, be courteous and start the roll for the next person.
7. Don't talk on your cell phone in the bathroom. The person on the other end will recognize the echo!
8. Wash your hands...even if it was only #1. And don't get the paper towel first...that just germs up the paper towels for the rest of us people that know the proper procedure. Step 1. Turn on Water and run hands under it. Step 2. Get soap on hands, rub together and sing twinkle twinkle little star. This is how long you need to wash your hands for to get rid of the germs. Step 3. Rinse your hands. Step 4. Get paper towel and dry hands. Step 4. Use paper towel to open door (I learned this trick from Hilary West while she was a missionary) and discretely toss in garbage on the way out.

Done and Done.

Conversation overhead by me this weekend over the fence at my neighbor Amanda's 13th birthday party:

Makaylie: Hey Amanda, did you know that if you skip it means you are gay or lez?
Amanda: No
Makaylie: Yeah, that's why no one skips in P.E.
Amanda: That's dumb
Amanda at the top of her lungs: I'M SKIPPING! I'M SKIPPING! LOOK AT ME! I'M SKIPPING!

I love Amanda...she is so cool.

Tonight I am once again reminded of the blessings in my life and my relative lack of personal trials.

A very good friend of mine was diagnosed with breast cancer today. Through self exam she found a lump in her breast last Thursday. On Friday she had a mammogram which revealed 4 more lumps. Today, Wednesday, an MRI confirmed a 6th lump. Biopsy results should be in on Friday to determine what stage she is in, and Monday she has an appointment with a surgeon to schedule an mastectomy.

There is never a "good" time to have cancer, but this is an especially hard time for her. She is in her mid-forties, has a son getting married next week, and another one leaving on a mission in July. This should be an exciting time for her and her family, and instead they are thinking about chemo, mastectomy and even death.

Talking to her tonight however she sounded very upbeat. She's been able to find a few silver linings in this diagnosis, even if they are silly. Her doctor told her today that she can drink as much Dr. Pepper, her personal drug of choice, as she wants. There's also the likelihood of sudden menopause...I'm not sure which one she is happier about! And she told her husband to start saving his money because they were going on the Breast Cancer Survivor's Cruise to the Grand Cayman Islands next year.

Her sons and husband gave her a priesthood blessing before her doctors appointment. She feels very peaceful and sure that she will beat this. I am grateful that I belong to a religion that believes in the positive power of prayer and priesthood blessings. I am grateful that we believe in hope rather than doubt and fear.

I pray that my friend will be able feel my love for her and that I will know how to be there for her. I pray that her cancer will be treatable and that she will be strong mentally while she goes through this very physically draining ordeal. I pray that one day science will discover a cure to this ugly disease.

Actual note posted on the bathroom wall at my doctor's office today. In case you can't read the handwritten part, it says, "Where do I pee?"

I was laughing so hard I almost peed my pants...good thing I was already in the bathroom!!!

RIP dear friend

Today I mourn the loss of a dear friend.

When we met 2 years I had no idea that you would become such an integral part of my life.You've been with me through thick and thin..mostly thick. Through working out at the gym (twice I think?), superbowl games, poker nights, visits with our friends, and just relaxing at my house hanging out watching tv, you were always there at my beck and call. I noticed a few months ago that you seemed to be getting worn out. I should have known then that something was wrong and paid more attention to the signs.

It was 2 years ago on a Tuesday (ok, I don't really know what day it was) and I was feeling a bit blue at work. I decided to go to Mervyn's for a little retail therapy (and also because my pants were too tight). I felt this beacon of light drawing me to the athletic wear section. There you were, hanging on the rack all shiny and new. Well, not really shiny, but there in your navy blue glory with a cute green stripe up both legs. I took you in to the dressing and room and tried you on. A perfect fit! You were my new favorite lounge pants!

I spent the next two years snatching up cute green shirts and sweatshirts that would match you so I could be color coordinated. You didn't mind when I wore you 3, 4, 7, 11 days in a row...never complaining. You didn't protest when I got grass stains on you while gardening...in fact you even tried your hardest to repel these stains and worked with the washing machine to remove them.

Then the other day, tragedy struck! I was working out at Curves, and my sister gasped in horror! "Stacy", she said, "you have giant holes in your pants"!!! What?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I knew right then that your battle had been lost and it was time to lay you to rest.

Yesterday at T.J. Maxx I found a new pair of lounge pants. They are black capris, with a white stripe on both legs. I do love them, but they will never take your place. RIP my little (ok, X-tra Large) friend!

I've been getting a little flack about not blogging lately. The truth is that nothing super exciting has been happening AND I've been involved in a marathon of America's Next Top Model, Season 6. Yes, I realize they are on season 11 now, but I got hooked on Oxygen's reruns.

Anyhoo....since my life is pretty boring lately, I thought I'd talk about a couple of random things from my daily commute:

a) The other day we had a huge snowstorm (What? Snow in March you say? Isn't it Spring?! Ha! Welcome to Utah). I cleaned off my car...all 5 windows, the hood, lights, blinkers, etc, and headed off to work. I didn't clean off the top of my car for 2 reasons. 1. It is too tall for me and hard to do with the ski racks and 2. I am lazy.

So I was almost to work and stopped at a light. All of a sudden the SKY WAS FALLING!!! I was trapped in an Avalanche! Ok, nothing that extreme, but the the 6 inches of snow that was piled on top of my car came barreling down on my windshield at break neck speed. I couldn't see, and the snow was too heavy for my windshield wipers to work. So I had to throw my car in park, hit the hazard lights, wait for all of the cars behind me to drive past me, get out of the car, and brush of my windshield. Did I mention that I had rolled a bit in to the intersection before I got my wits about me? It was an adrenaline rush for sure.

b) That same day I was driving home from work, sitting at yet another stop light. I looked briefly at the car to my left. The guy in the car was eating cookies. Normally I wouldn't consider this strange, because I often eat cookies in my car. I mean, who doesn't! But the dude had a really long beard and was getting cookie crumbs all over it...he kindof looked like a homeless guy in a car. I looked away (because I was staring!), but then looked at him again briefly. At this point he was drinking milk from a gallon jug. What Stacy? You say he was drinking milk, from a gallon jug, while driving in the car? Why yes, reader, that's exactly what I said! It was really weird.

c) There is a store front on my daily drive to work that I find strange. It used to be a purple building and housed The Blue Boutique, which is a naughty lingerie store. That store moved down the street to a larger location, and someone painted the building orange and black. There is a sign above the store which says House of Chuckles. Now, I love to chuckle, and imagine a whole house of chuckles! What do they sell you ask? I have no idea...the store is empty and has been ever since I noticed it. I often wonder what happened to it. Was it ever in business? Did people walk in and immediately start chuckling and they laughed themselves silly so they never bought anything? I have no idea, and will probably ever know. But I do get a chuckle when I drive by it anyway.

This morning I woke up at 5:19 a.m. with terrible heartburn, not an uncommon event for me. I went in to the kitchen and rummaged through my sister's purse looking for tums. Unfortunately they weren't in there. As I looked around the kitchen, debating whether or not to go downstairs to Jen's bathroom where I knew there were tums, but then risking waking Jen up, I saw a sleeve with some green chewable medication.

Elation! It was a package of Gas-Ex. Now, I know this sounds old lady-ish, but Gas-Ex is my new best friend. Being cursed with chronic stomach problems, I take it ALL THE TIME! I popped that little green "life saver" from the packet, prepared myself for the bad taste (I would like to speak with whoever makes chewable medication and force them to try all the things that supposedly taste good) and popped it in to my mouth.

The taste was horrible as I had expected. But it was not the correct horrible taste. Instantly my mind screamed NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! and I spit out it out. I realized my what I had done....what I had mistaken for a minty chewable Gas-ex was really a minty chewable dog breath mint. GROSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Needless to say, my heartburn was not cured. But on the plus side, I no longer had morning breath!!