Wordless Wednesday - Have you missed me?

Doing the Can Can

Lately I've been hit by the domestic stick.  Which is better than being hit by the ugly stick, but still quite painful.


Last year I decided to can for the first time.  Ok, to be honest, 2 years ago I decided to can for the first time.  I made some questionable raspberry jam and some really nasty applesauce.  They were both so horrible that we're just going to pretend it never even happened.  This is my blog so I can do what I wanna do.


So last year I decided to can for the first time.  I bought a book of canning recipes and did a lot of research on line.  And bought a really lot of fruit. I had some success with canned peaches and apple sauce, which I dubbed cracklesauce because it was just that addictive.


I started stalking reading food blogs and became obsessed with more interested in learning about the process.    I've hounded my old lady friends and stocked up on tips and suggestions.  I enlisted my friend Amy (since my sister could not be less interested in canning) and over labor day weekend created the following masterpiece:

 In case you are wondering, that would be:


Canned Peaches, peach sorbet (heaven), frozen peaches, salsa, tomato sauce, canned tomatoes, peach jam, triple berry jam and raspberry peach freezer jam.  Not pictured is jalapeno jelly and another round of cracklesauce.


It was a lot of hard work but I loved doing it.  I have a couple more things I want to make before I pack up my supplies for the season.  Whatever will I do to keep myself busy this fall?  


I need to learn a new talent.


Oh, and remember when I said my sister could not be less interested?  I have proof ala her recent facebook post.


"I think my sister is trying to be the next "Pioneer Woman." First the obsession with gardening...now with canning...what's next? Sewing our own clothes and chasing chickens around the yard with a hatchet and a cry of "Here, chickie, chickie?""


Smart aleck.

I Always Feel Like Somebody's Watching Me

Does anyone remember that song from the 80s?  It was a gooder, for sure!

This morning I was out watering the plants in the back corner of my yard.  It's in a very shaded area, with my neighbor's pine tree covering a lot of it.  As I was standing there, lost in my thoughts, humming along to Ke$ha, I felt like someone was looking at me. 

I looked up and gasped as I saw this peaking out from the trees.

Yes, it was Stealth Kitty...watching my every move!  I got a good chuckle and then of course grabbed my camera phone.  SK played peak a boo for a few minutes, slowly poking his head back up and then down again.  Then he got tired of the game and crept away.

A Hilarious Email Exchange

From: Jane Gilles
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.19pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David, Our records indicate that your account is overdue by the amount of $233.95. If you have already made this payment please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.
Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles
********************************************************************************
From: David Thorne
Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.37pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane, I do not have any money so am sending you this drawing I did of a spider instead. I value the drawing at $233.95 so trust that this settles the matter.
Regards, David.


********************************************************************************
From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.07am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Overdue account

Dear David,
Thank you for contacting us. Unfortunately we are unable to accept drawings as payment and your account remains in arrears of $233.95. Please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding.
Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles
********************************************************************************
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.32am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,
Can I have my drawing of a spider back then please.
Regards, David.
********************************************************************************
From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.42am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear David,
You emailed the drawing to me. Do you want me to email it back to you?
Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles
********************************************************************************
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.56am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Dear Jane,
Yes please.
Regards, David.
********************************************************************************
From: Jane Gilles
Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 12.14pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account

Attached

********************************************************************************
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 09.22am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Whose spider is that?
Dear Jane,
Are you sure this drawing of a spider is the one I sent you? This spider only has seven legs and I do not feel I would have made such an elementary mistake when I drew it.
Regards, David.
********************************************************************************
From: Jane Gilles
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.03am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Whose spider is that?
Dear David,
Yes it is the same drawing. I copied and pasted it from the email you sent me on the 8th. David your account is still overdue by the amount of $233.95.
Please make this payment as soon as possible.
Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles
********************************************************************************
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.05am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Automated Out of Office Response
Thankyou for contacting me.
I am currently away on leave, traveling through time and will be returning last week.
Regards, David.
********************************************************************************
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.08am
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?
Hello, I am back and have read through your emails and accept that despite missing a leg, that drawing of a spider may indeed be the one I sent you. I realise with hindsight that it is possible you rejected the drawing of a spider due to this obvious limb ommission but did not point it out in an effort to avoid hurting my feelings. As such, I am sending you a revised drawing with the correct number of legs as full payment for any amount outstanding. I trust this will bring the matter to a conclusion.
Regards, David.

********************************************************************************
From: Jane Gilles
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 2.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?
Dear David,
As I have stated, we do not accept drawings in lei of money for accounts outstanding. We accept cheque, bank cheque, money order or cash. Please make a payment this week to avoid incurring any additional fees.
Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles
********************************************************************************
From: David Thorne
Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 3.17pm
To: Jane Gilles
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?
I understand and will definitely make a payment this week if I remember. As you have not accepted my second drawing as payment, please return the drawing to me as soon as possible. It was silly of me to assume I could provide you with something of completely no value whatsoever, waste your time and then attach such a large amount to it.
Regards, David.
********************************************************************************
From: Jane Gilles
Date: Tuesday 14 Oct 2008 11.18am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that?
Attached

I'm Confused About the Nipples

A few weeks ago I had the blessed experience of passing a 2nd kidney stone.  So fun.

Anyway, one night my kidney must have been hurting particularly badly while I was sleeping because I had the following dream:

I was on a cruise with my family and I got called in to the ship's doctor's office.  They had received an emergency transmission from my doctor back home with my x-ray results.  I had been diagnosed with a terminal kidney disease.  My kidneys were filling up with tiny little nipples and creating a blockage.  I was astounded! (It was particularly hard for me to hear because I am allergic to the word nipples.  And any other embarrassing female body part for that matter). I asked her to clarify, "Did you say N-I-P-P-L-E-S?"  She said "Yes, Nipples.  It's Extremely rare!"

The prognosis was not good.  This extremely rare disease was going to kill me in 19 - 99 years.  And I could no longer eat any food.  None.  No Food! Ever! Again!  They needed to immediately hook me up to a food drip.  I argued with the nurse that I had already eaten breakfast so I didn't need it today, and that I was on a cruise ship filled with food!  Couldn't I just have the drip for breakfast and lunch and eat a sensible dinner?  The obvious answer was no.  Drastic measures had to be taken immediately.

So, like any girl who loves cake would do, I woke up crying.  It took me a minute to realize it was just a crazy dream. 

As I was telling my sister about it, we were able to understand most of it.  We had gone to a bbq the night before and talked about the cruise and how amazing the food was.  We had also discussed buying slim fast at Costco that same day and you know their policy...a shake for breakfast and lunch and 1 sensible meal for dinner.  My sister then said "Well, I guess it all makes sense.  But I'm still confused about the nipples".

I said "Well sister, It's extremely rare!"  Which has now become our new catch phrase.

New Office Policy

Effective June 1, 2011  

NEW OFFICE POLICY

Dress Code:
1) You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
2) If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3) If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4) If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year.
They are called Saturdays & Sundays.  

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements in your place. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet.
There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sectioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:
* Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
* Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
* Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. 

The Management

Friday Food For Thought