October 23, 2014

Conversations with My Massage Therapist

Last night I got a much needed massage.  I love my massage therapist.  He is a hoot.  Typically when I go to get a massage I just want to sleep and not talk.  I told him that the first time I went to him.  He said ok I can do that.  That was a year ago and he hasn't stopped talking since.  He's so funny though that I really don't mind.

Some examples:

Me: Ouch!  That hurts! Too hard!
Him:  Anytime you feel any discomfort just let me know.
Me: Um, yeah, I thought I just did.
Him: Just speak up annnnnytime now.  Don't be afraid to say something.

Him (while shaking out my arm and causing all sorts of seismic activity under my sheet):  Isn't it weird that some of my clients feel uncomfortable when they're jiggling all over the place?
Me: Yeah, I was just thinking if you weren't already gay I probably just turned you.

Me (in the middle of some crazy medieval stretches): Am I covered well enough?
Him: Believe me honey, I'm not trying to look anywhere.  Nobody wants to see your kitty cat.

Me: Am I your wimpiest client?
Him:  No of course not.
A minute later
Him: But you're definitely in my top 5.
Me: Ouch

October 13, 2014

Happy Get Fatter for Free Week!

Yep, it's my birthday week.  I'm turning...well you don't need to know that.  A woman never reveals her age or her weight.  All you need to know is that I'm old, and I'm fat.

My birthday is a kind of a big deal to me. I just love the excitement of it.  I love being spoiled.  I love cake!  I mean, I REALLY LOVE CAKE!!!!  I used to have friends that don't like cake, but I didn't need that kind of negativity in my life so I unfriended them.

The best thing about birthdays is the countless emails of free food that you get.  Olive Garden. Famous Daves.  Red Robin (Yummmmmmm). Cafe Zupas.  and the list goes on. And on. And on.

Except for Thanksgiving and Christmas, it's the one week of the year that you can eat to your heart's content without the guilt.  Or the calories.  Oh, you didn't know that any calories you consume the week of your birthday don't count?  Well, now you do.  You're's my birthday gift to you!

February 13, 2014

Addicted to Love

I have a new boyfriend.  My sister introduced me to him about a year ago.  She was really into him for a while but soon lost interest and passed him on to me.

His name is Bubble Witch Saga.

Seriously though.  I've got a problem.  I can't stop playing.  It's all I think about.  It's the first thing I reach for on my phone in the morning and the last thing I do before bed.  I dream about it at night.  I think about strategies while waiting for lives to renew.  I find myself feeling grateful that it's slow at work so i can play it on my phone AND on my work computer.

Do they have 12 step programs for this?

Help me!!

November 30, 2011

Santa is Delicious

My sister and I moved in to our house a little over 5 years ago.  Though we always decorate for Christmas, in that time we have never put up a Christmas tree. This is for several reasons, but more specifically the last 3 years because of our little terror angel Mimi the Wonder Chihuahua.

The first year that we had this little bundle of satan, she ate a Christmas wreathe.  Not just nibbled....devoured. Destroyed.  Have you seen the birthing scene from the new Twilight movie yet?  It was something akin to that.  Styrofoam, needles, ribbon were scattered all throughout the upstairs...even stuck to the ceiling.  It was then and there that we decided no Christmas tree for us!

This year however, my sister bought a pre-lit Christmas tree that she's been coveting for 3 years and so we decided to go ahead and try it.  Mimi is almost 4 now and hasn't really eaten anything too detrimental lately.  We set up the tree last Saturday, plugged in the lights, put up the garland, and decided to wait til the next day to see how she did with it.  Surprisingly she showed absolutely no interest.  So on Sunday we put up the ornaments.

Every day we come home we check to make sure the tree is still standing.  So far everything has been intact!

.........Until this morning.

As I walked by Mimi's chair I happened to look down at her collection of stuffed toys that she keeps close watch on.  Sitting on the very tippy top, under her little paw, was a little stuffed Santa ornament.  I couldn't help but laugh.  Since the tree was in tact and there was no sign of mischief, I imagine her sitting on her throne, checking out the target, choosing her intended victim and then ever so delicately slipping Mr. Clause off the tree with her sneaky little teeth.

She's a naughty one all right....but oh does she keep us laughing!

September 9, 2011

Doing the Can Can

Lately I've been hit by the domestic stick.  Which is better than being hit by the ugly stick, but still quite painful.

Last year I decided to can for the first time.  Ok, to be honest, 2 years ago I decided to can for the first time.  I made some questionable raspberry jam and some really nasty applesauce.  They were both so horrible that we're just going to pretend it never even happened.  This is my blog so I can do what I wanna do.

So last year I decided to can for the first time.  I bought a book of canning recipes and did a lot of research on line.  And bought a really lot of fruit. I had some success with canned peaches and apple sauce, which I dubbed cracklesauce because it was just that addictive.

I started stalking reading food blogs and became obsessed with more interested in learning about the process.    I've hounded my old lady friends and stocked up on tips and suggestions.  I enlisted my friend Amy (since my sister could not be less interested in canning) and over labor day weekend created the following masterpiece:

 In case you are wondering, that would be:

Canned Peaches, peach sorbet (heaven), frozen peaches, salsa, tomato sauce, canned tomatoes, peach jam, triple berry jam and raspberry peach freezer jam.  Not pictured is jalapeno jelly and another round of cracklesauce.

It was a lot of hard work but I loved doing it.  I have a couple more things I want to make before I pack up my supplies for the season.  Whatever will I do to keep myself busy this fall?  

I need to learn a new talent.

Oh, and remember when I said my sister could not be less interested?  I have proof ala her recent facebook post.

"I think my sister is trying to be the next "Pioneer Woman." First the obsession with with canning...what's next? Sewing our own clothes and chasing chickens around the yard with a hatchet and a cry of "Here, chickie, chickie?""

Smart aleck.

August 22, 2011

I Always Feel Like Somebody's Watching Me

Does anyone remember that song from the 80s?  It was a gooder, for sure!

This morning I was out watering the plants in the back corner of my yard.  It's in a very shaded area, with my neighbor's pine tree covering a lot of it.  As I was standing there, lost in my thoughts, humming along to Ke$ha, I felt like someone was looking at me. 

I looked up and gasped as I saw this peaking out from the trees.

Yes, it was Stealth Kitty...watching my every move!  I got a good chuckle and then of course grabbed my camera phone.  SK played peak a boo for a few minutes, slowly poking his head back up and then down again.  Then he got tired of the game and crept away.