January 29, 2010

Dear Cupid...

I know you are a mythological character, but in my heart of hearts you do exist.  And yes, I KNOW that you usually only deliver presents to people that are either married or in a relationship of some sort, but there are a few things on my list that Santa didn't bring so I thought I'd try you out this year. I'm not exactly sure what your budget is for single gals like me, so I'll give you a few choices.

1.  Only $399 delivered from Costco!  Wouldn't these look FABULOUS on my ears?

2. Someone to do the heavy lifting (and by heavy,  I  mean me, and by lifting, I mean in to his arms!)

3.  A little more time with my gal pals for a night on the town.  Or  maybe even a date that does not include Light Sabers.

4.  A closet full of these...that don't pinch my toes or make my arches (or lack thereof) ache.  Oh, and I wouldn't mind having hot legs like that if it's in the budget.

5. A Dunkin Donuts franchise in my area.  Or at least a donut shop that can re-create the Vanilla Creme donut.  

6.  The strength to forgive someone in my life that has hurt me deeply recently.

7.  A way to freeze I can hold on to those in my life that I love dearly, and to remember to cherish life's special moments.

Love always, 


January 26, 2010

My Retirement from Blind Dating

Don't get too excited gals...this is not a marriage announcement.  Instead it is a I'VE HAD IT WITH CRAZY BLIND DATES announcement.

Now, don't get me wrong.  In the beginning of the blind dating life cycle, it is flattering when someone thinks enough of you that they would want to set you up with one of their friends and hope that you will be as happy in love as they are with their spouse blah, blah, blah, yaddy yaddy yaddy.  However, after a few years of this, you learn that instead these married people think, "Hey, you're single, this dude's single, you should love each other."

Most of the time...not gonna happen.  Pull up a chair while I relate  my most recent experience.

A couple of weeks ago my friend J said that she and her husband M had been wanting to set me up with their friend M2 since they'd met me 6 months before.  I said sure, let's go on a double date (because believe me, I've learned my lesson about single blind dates).  A few days later it was set up and off we went.

The plan was to meet for dinner this past Saturday night.  J & M picked  me up and we drove to the restaurant.  As we stood outside in front of the open fire pit (mmm....toasty), I saw a guy walk around the corner and I thought, "Please don't be him".  Not because he was hideous or anything, but because he bore an uncanny resemblance to my dad.  Whom I definitely do not want to date.  He also bore a slight resemblance to an actor from a cult classic 80s movie (think, "INCONCEIVABLE!")  Sure enough, he walked right up to us.  M introduced M2 to me, he shook my hand, said hello, and those were the last words he spoke to me during dinner.   Fortunately I was sitting across from J and we had a lovely meal together.

After dinner we split up for a scavenger hunt.  Now, this could have been a cute idea if I had been with a guy who I was even slightly interested in (or vice versa).  Instead it was a chore.  We drove to several stores and took pictures of the required items, taking no time for laughter or silliness.  We were on a mission after finish the scavenger hunt before J & M and head back to M2s house where the night's excitement was about to begin.  I texted J telling her we were done and sending subliminal messages to hurry the heck up and head over to his house.  She said they were stopping for ice-cream.

The drive to his house was relatively quick. We had some light chatter about his life, and then we pulled in to the driveway.  The first thing he did when we got inside was to give me a quick tour of his house...or more specifically his most prized possessions....The Wall o' Light Sabers.  Yes. Light. Sabers.  As in from Star Wars.  He took one off the wall, turned it on, and handed it to me.  I took it from him and  before I could think "What in the SAM HILL (real thoughts edited) am I supposed to do with this thing", he took another one down the wall, turned it on, and proceeded to assume the position.  What position?  Uh...Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker's Face Off...duh!  I found myself standing there, desperately looking around the room for the hidden camera,  Or for J & M to come save me.  Not to happen of course.

We played light sabers for a few minutes and then he got out his favorite movie for us to watch.  Shrek 3D.  Yep, complete with 3D glasses.  I went to sit down on his comfy looking couch, when he quickly pointed out that that was his seat and I needed to move over.  Good golly miss molly, is this night over yet?  Nope, still waiting for my "friends" to show up.  Finally they showed up, made a joke about getting distracted by a front loader washer on sale (from the scavenger hunt list, of course).  We finished watching Shrek 3D.  We then watched another quick show which was actually pretty funny, and then the 3 of them proceeded to talk for an hour.  I chimed in every now and then.  Then M2s sister and her 4 kids showed up.  You would think this would signal the date to be over.  Nope, they stayed for a while, he played light sabers with the kids, and they left.  We stayed for another 30 minutes or so until finally J said we should leave so she could get the babysitter home.

Sweet Lucille..I was saved!  Night over at 10:30.  Now don't get me wrong.  It wasn't terrible.  He was nice and J & M seemed to truly enjoy his friendship.  I hope they will live a long and happy life together as friends. I just don't want to be part of it.

January 24, 2010

Hannah Montana Say What, Say What?

The other day at work I was telling the girls in my office a funny story that I saw on TV the night before.  I was totally laughing about it...and then I remembered that it was from Hannah Montana.  Yes, you read that right.  Hannah know, from the Disney Channel?

But it gets worse.  This was the 2nd time in the same number of days that I'd caught myself quoting something from that show.  And this past Friday night I told my sister that I couldn't come downstairs because I was at a pivotal part of my show.  What show she asked?  Um, Wizards of Waverly Place? In my defense, Alex had JUST found out that her boyfriend Mason was a werewolf and Justin's vampire girlfriend Juliette was fighting Mason to protect Justin and Alex even though they had just discovered that they had dated 300 years earlier.

I mean, really, who would go downstairs at a moment like THAT??!!

Have I mentioned that I'm just a few years shy of 40?  I wonder why I'm still single.

January 22, 2010

Humanitarian Services

Our hearts have all been broken over the tragedy in Haiti and many of us find ourselves wanting to donate money and wondering who to trust.

I have mentioned in here before that I am LDS, or a Mormon.  The humanitarian services from my church is known world wide and has provided aide for too many disasters to count.  2 hours after the news hit about the earthquake in Haiti, American Airlines contacted our Church Offices offering to donate 3 of their planes to transport anything we would like to send for relief.  We were able to fill all 3 cargo  holds with supplies including food, water, clothing, diapers, etc, all purchased through our Humanitarian Relief Fund.  This weekend an additional 85,000 lbs of supplies were trucked in from Miami, with more on the way.

If you are searching for a way to donate and have not found an organization that you feel comfortable with, please feel free to go to this link to find out more information and how to donate to the Humanitarian Services 

January 15, 2010

Friday Funny

Signs of the times... The economy is so bad that: 

I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

I ordered a burger at McDonald's and the kid behind the counter asked,  "Can you afford fries with that?"

CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

If the bank returns your check marked  "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.

Hot Wheels and Matchbox stocks are trading higher than GM.

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

Parents in Beverly Hills
 fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico

Dick Cheney took his stockbroker hunting.

Motel Six won't leave the light on anymore.

The Mafia is laying off judges.

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great!!   The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

And, finally...
I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc.,  I called the Suicide Lifeline. I got a call center in Pakistan , and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

(sent to me by email)

January 14, 2010

Tag-a-licious Thursday

Oh dear!  My bloggy friend Jill tagged me in her awesome blog Jill's Real Life.  The rules to this game are to answer the 5 questions and then tag 5 other bloggy pals to learn a bit more about their fabulous lives.  I'm sure this "quiz" is just going to confirm that I am a boring chubby white girl in Utah with no hope of becoming Miss America...not that I'd want to!  (Maybe just Miss America hair).

Question #1 – What were you doing 10 years ago?
  1. I was living in Provo, UT working at a lame job, dreaming of moving up in the corporate world.
  2. My best friend Szejn (a crazy little canadian man) was trying to convince me to marry him.  Fortunately I said HAIL NO! and he's now married to Colin, a darling man who still has not sent me his vegetarian lasagna recipe after 8 years. (Surprise...he's gay!).
  3. I was driving a red Ford Tempo that caught fire in the Wendy's drive through, and over heated every time I drove it further than .18 miles.  I finally abandoned it one day in the Saver's parking lot.
  4. I signed up for an email account with Yahoo and tried to learn this new thing called "the internet".
  5. I dyed  my hair a really dark brown, which I hated, so I went to the beauty school for a color fix and somehow ended up with carrot orange hair.  I then tried to color it blonde with a home kit and fried it.  Then, because I was stupid, I got a perm thinking it would make everything better.  Finally ended up cutting it all off and starting over.  YIKES!
Question #2 – What are 5 things on your To-Do list today?
  1. Work (blech)
  2. Catch up on all my bloggy friends new posts while pretending to work.
  3. Dream of Retiring and moving to Belize. 
  4. Go to Hobby Lobby and Red Robin with one of my BFFs Shana.
  5. Shave my legs...hasn't been done since the day after Christmas.  Yes, Sasquatch does exist!
Question #3 – What 5 snacks do you enjoy? (this is soooooooo limiting!)
  1. chocolate chip cookies
  2. Ice Cream
  3. Brownies
  4. Lasagna -what?  not a snack?  Whatever...I'm part Italian...there's always room for lasagna.
  5. Reduced fat ritz with sharp cheddar cheese.  Or Squeezy Cheese..whichever is more readily available
Question #4 – Where are 5 places that you have lived? 
  1. New Jersey - several towns when I was a wee lass
  2. Stone Mountain, GA
  3. Pleasanton, CA
  4. Rexburg, ID (it's so cold there that your nose hairs freeze and you feel like you have snotcicles hanging from your April)
  5. Too many places in Utah

Question #5 – What are 5 things you would do if you were a billionaire?
  1. Retire, give myself $100K to live on a year and invest the rest.
  2. Buy stock in Oreos, Dunkin Donuts, and cocoa beans.
  3. Give 10% to my Church.
  4. Buy my own island..complete with mansion and a hot pool boy housekeeper
  5. Pay off all my debts, my sister's debts and my parents house.  Then my dad will be living under MY roof and he'll have to follow MY rules.  (Just kidding ya!)
I tag the following fabulous ladies:
  1. My dear friend Micci who deserted me to have a baby and move to California with  her husband.  Big Jerk.  (Micci, not her husband...he's awesome).
  2. Shell because I think she's wickedly funny
  3. My bloggy friend Julie who was recently chosen (with her husband) to adopt sweet little baby "Z" when he makes his appearance in this world in a few short months!
  4. Karen, a new bloggy friend that just got a sassy new hair do to go along with her spunky personality!
  5. And last but not least....the fabulous Foxy who gave me first (and only) blog award!
So have fun ladies!

January 11, 2010

The Most Dramatic Rose Ceremony...EVER??

You bet your sweet sassperilla it was!

First, let me start off by saying, I KNEW it was going to be Miss Rosalyn Skankypants that "entered in to an inappropriate relationship with a staffer" (how many times does poor Chris Harrison have to say that in one night!).  I mean, did you SEE her attack Jake in that skimpy pink bikini?  Geesh!  Somebody call the fire department!

Second of all...that Michelle chick?...she's one window short of a daylight basement.  Cuckoo!  Even Jillian and Ed told Jake to kick her crazy basket to the curb.  Though maybe he's keeping her around because as my sister so eloquently said "crazy in the head means crazy in the bed".  Thank you for those lovely words, Sis.  Classy.

And really, how many times do we have to listen to Jake say "I guess nice guys really DO finish last".  Pu-leeze!  You've already made out with 5 chicks in 5 minutes....what's so nice guy about that?  AND you let that cute teacher go home...I can't remember her name, but how cute was she with her flashy eyes and bright little smile?

My prediction for the winner?  Tenley.  If she can get up the nerve to tell him about her divorce.  She's a real peanut.  And Gia is a knock out but seems genuinely nice.  Man I hate girls like that!

Stay tuned for next weeks episode in the Most Dramatic Season of the Bachelor!

January 10, 2010

Perfect Brownies? Anyone? ANYONE????!!!

Once upon a time, I blogged about my obsession desire to receive the Perfect Brownie Pan for Christmas.  In case you need a reminder of this little treasure, you can click here on my first Perfect Brownie Pan post.

Well, as you may recall, my sister gave me the hugest eye roll in existence and promised that I would NOT in fact be receiving this pan for Christmas...because it was (sigh) "stupid".

2 days before Christmas my sister called me asking for ideas because all of her other ideas had not worked out.  What?  She couldn't find the pan?  How could that be?  I mean, she didn't come right out and say it, but I knew what she meant.  No perfect brownies.  It was a sad, sad day in the heart of Miss Stacy.

Christmas day came.  It was lovely.  We read the Christmas story, then proceeded to open our gifts.  I had a banner year!  New sheets, a gorgeous Pottery Barn duvet cover, a darling red wrought iron bench for my front patio, and an electric pressure cooker (oh boy do I love that pressure cooker!  That's a blog for another day though!!).  Man OH Man was I spoiled this year!  As I sat back admiring my loot, my sister said, hey, there's one more gift for you.  What?  I looked around, so pleased with my gifts, I couldn't imagine what else it could be.  As I ripped open the paper, a glimpse of a brownie caught my eye.  Could it be?  Yes,  IT WAS THE PERFECT BROWNIE PAN!!!  AND I HAD FORGOTTEN ABOUT IT!!!!!  Glory Glory Hallelujah!  Yes Virginia, there IS a Santa Clause!

Well life got busy and I've been sick, so yesterday was the first day I had gotten around to actually trying the maiden voyage of this heavenly kitchen gadget.  It was my sister's birthday (29 again?) and she wanted a nice brownie treat.  I opened the box and read the directions.  Then I decided to be fancy and use one of their recipes for peanut butter brownies.  I questioned the called for 3/4 cups of butter.  But I made it anyway.  But I got distracted in the middle and thought I had not put enough evaporated milk in, so I added more.  Unfortunately I had just unknowingly messed  up the first batch.  The mix was too moist, the butter was boiling.  It went in the garbage pan faster than you could say Jiminy Cricket.

Today I tried for batch #2.  Again I questioned the butter.  My sister and I had a little chat about it, and we decided to go for it...again.  I mixed it all up, put in the divider, and set the kitchen timer for 30 minutes.  I waited with baited breath.  Words cannot describe the results.

Uh, Houston, we have a problem.  These pictures do not do true justice to the mess that I had on my hands.  It was like a mudslide of chocolate/peanut butter lava.  Truly a disaster.

So, I decided I would not rest until I had achieved the PERFECT BROWNIES from this dadgum pan!  I was no longer having fun.  I was on my third box of brownies...and my last nerve.  This time I abandoned the lame recipe with the 9 cups of butter, and just used the standard recipe on the back of the Ghiradelli Double Chocolate (um...yum!) brownie box.  The results?