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January 26, 2010

My Retirement from Blind Dating

Don't get too excited gals...this is not a marriage announcement.  Instead it is a I'VE HAD IT WITH CRAZY BLIND DATES announcement.

Now, don't get me wrong.  In the beginning of the blind dating life cycle, it is flattering when someone thinks enough of you that they would want to set you up with one of their friends and hope that you will be as happy in love as they are with their spouse blah, blah, blah, yaddy yaddy yaddy.  However, after a few years of this, you learn that instead these married people think, "Hey, you're single, this dude's single, you should love each other."

Most of the time...not gonna happen.  Pull up a chair while I relate  my most recent experience.

A couple of weeks ago my friend J said that she and her husband M had been wanting to set me up with their friend M2 since they'd met me 6 months before.  I said sure, let's go on a double date (because believe me, I've learned my lesson about single blind dates).  A few days later it was set up and off we went.

The plan was to meet for dinner this past Saturday night.  J & M picked  me up and we drove to the restaurant.  As we stood outside in front of the open fire pit (mmm....toasty), I saw a guy walk around the corner and I thought, "Please don't be him".  Not because he was hideous or anything, but because he bore an uncanny resemblance to my dad.  Whom I definitely do not want to date.  He also bore a slight resemblance to an actor from a cult classic 80s movie (think, "INCONCEIVABLE!")  Sure enough, he walked right up to us.  M introduced M2 to me, he shook my hand, said hello, and those were the last words he spoke to me during dinner.   Fortunately I was sitting across from J and we had a lovely meal together.

After dinner we split up for a scavenger hunt.  Now, this could have been a cute idea if I had been with a guy who I was even slightly interested in (or vice versa).  Instead it was a chore.  We drove to several stores and took pictures of the required items, taking no time for laughter or silliness.  We were on a mission after all....to finish the scavenger hunt before J & M and head back to M2s house where the night's excitement was about to begin.  I texted J telling her we were done and sending subliminal messages to hurry the heck up and head over to his house.  She said they were stopping for ice-cream.

The drive to his house was relatively quick. We had some light chatter about his life, and then we pulled in to the driveway.  The first thing he did when we got inside was to give me a quick tour of his house...or more specifically his most prized possessions....The Wall o' Light Sabers.  Yes. Light. Sabers.  As in from Star Wars.  He took one off the wall, turned it on, and handed it to me.  I took it from him and  before I could think "What in the SAM HILL (real thoughts edited) am I supposed to do with this thing", he took another one down the wall, turned it on, and proceeded to assume the position.  What position?  Uh...Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker's Face Off...duh!  I found myself standing there, desperately looking around the room for the hidden camera,  Or for J & M to come save me.  Not to happen of course.

We played light sabers for a few minutes and then he got out his favorite movie for us to watch.  Shrek 3D.  Yep, complete with 3D glasses.  I went to sit down on his comfy looking couch, when he quickly pointed out that that was his seat and I needed to move over.  Good golly miss molly, is this night over yet?  Nope, still waiting for my "friends" to show up.  Finally they showed up, made a joke about getting distracted by a front loader washer on sale (from the scavenger hunt list, of course).  We finished watching Shrek 3D.  We then watched another quick show which was actually pretty funny, and then the 3 of them proceeded to talk for an hour.  I chimed in every now and then.  Then M2s sister and her 4 kids showed up.  You would think this would signal the date to be over.  Nope, they stayed for a while, he played light sabers with the kids, and they left.  We stayed for another 30 minutes or so until finally J said we should leave so she could get the babysitter home.

Sweet Lucille..I was saved!  Night over at 10:30.  Now don't get me wrong.  It wasn't terrible.  He was nice and J & M seemed to truly enjoy his friendship.  I hope they will live a long and happy life together as friends. I just don't want to be part of it.

48 comments:

  1. That is too funny (and sad - a wall of light sabers - really??).

    I just have to add that after several awkward or terrible blind dates myself, I did meet Josh - on a blind date. So they can turn out well once in a long while. Maybe you are due for a great one next time and shouldn't give up on blind dates just yet!

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  2. Okay, I'm a geek that actually thinks the light sabers are kind of cool.

    BUT.

    The rest of it...Ummm...Not so much. It's really too bad your friends couldn't pick up on the nonverbal cues, but at least you got a good blog story!

    Honestly, that's how I look at every bad or unpleasant situation these days. How can I work this into a post?

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  3. Oh, good LAWD! Really? Light sabers? Now, I happen to love dorks, but pulling out light sabers on the first date? That's a little much. At least he didn't pull out costumes too, huh? It could always be worse.

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  4. Ugh! Blind dates suck, I never set them up because I remember how totally awkward they always were!

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  5. I don't even know what to say about the light sabers ON.THE.WALL! I feel for you girl. Blind dates are horrible.

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  6. I hate to laugh at your night but having BTDT with blind dates I completely feel your pain and even better see the pained expression painted upon your face at the moment he assumed the position. WOW. I hope your next date has a sense of humor and will not try to force you into a duel of tastelessness.

    A visit via SITS

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  7. ah Stacy forget the whole blind date thing and call me next time for a good time at Cafe Rio!

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  8. Oh my! Shrek 3D? Any man who actually owns a copy of Shrek (even the un-3D version) is sooooo not second date material!

    Dropping by from SITS... have an awesome weekend - hopefully avoiding any man-childs!

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  9. I'm on the 'married' side, and I'd never try to fix up my friends - having been caught in the middle before when friends of mine started dating, it's just an odd place to be.

    I hope you have more luck with the blokes you choose for yourself :)

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  10. Wow, that's almost as bad as the school psychologist who took me to IMAX 3-D "The Human Body" movie because he got free tickets. Yeah, watching the human digestive process in a huge screen was not so fun.

    When I was internet dating the first thing you learn is always meet for lunch or coffee in a public place. That way you can make a quick exit since you have to get back to work / meet another friend / whatever. That way you don't have to suffer for long periods of time.

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  11. Oh no no no, a thousand times no. I was always mildly insulted if someone fixed me up with a freakjob like that on a blind date.. THIS is who you see me with? THIS is what you think I will like?
    You either don't know me at all, or you hate me.

    Scary.

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  12. Let me start by saying I feel your pain. However, I have to say, no one has ever pulled out a light saber. I too have given up on friends fixing me up. I always end up wondering if they really think so little of me!

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  13. Wow, he really pulled out all the stops, didn't he??? Light sabers AND Shrek 3D on the first date? I almost wish you'd go out with him again, just to see what'd be on tap for Date #2!

    LOL and ((((hugs))))

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  14. At least he didn't time dinner to be over when the parking meter's time would be up. I had one of those. Stopping from SITS!

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  15. good grief, I shouldnt be laughing but I am. *snort*
    I am so sorry you have not had any luck...it will happen though in the most perfect timing! I am sure of it!

    I love your blog layout btw!

    (fellow SITStah Mindy~)

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  16. Visiting from SITS, ahahaha, this will be so funny to you eventually. :)
    -Heather @ www.savingmoneylivinglife.com

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  17. Oh dear! Who can blame you after that!

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  18. lol YIKES! don't blame you for swearing off blind dates after that!

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  19. Are these really your friends? Setting you up with him and then sticking you alone with him all that time makes me wonder.

    Congrats on your SITS day!

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  20. OK. I 'll admit when you first started in on the light saber, I thought it was maybe a euphemism for something else , but when I realized that you were talking about Star Wars and ACTUAL light sabers, girl, that was downright WORSE!! Seriously! You have my respect for sticking the date out and not running and screaming with your hands in the air. BTW, INCONCEIVABLE!! description . . . classic!:)

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  21. Oh I would have spoken up - I would have said no honey I stopped playing with toys when I grew up...LOL - This made me laugh out loud - Happy SITS day!

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  22. OMG on wall of light sabers! It would have been one thing to have a couple for when his sisters kids came over - as toys. For kids! And to have played with them. But... wow...

    I've had some bad dates, but I really don't think I can top that. This is why you need a 3rd friend on the outside to call you with an "emergency" when you text and sos during dinner!

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  23. Love the wall of light sabers!

    Happy SITS day! Come check out some of my dating disasters...us single girls need to stick together!

    Enjoy your day!

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  24. I'm divorced & my ex-MIL (we still talk) decided to set up a date with one of my daughter's friend's dad. My MIL said he reminded her of my dad & no wonder...he was OLD!!! One dinner & that was it. I've already been married once & people don't understand why I'm not going to do it again!!

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  25. Cute story. I know exactly what movie you are talking about. Watched it with my kids not too long ago. I think it is The Princess Bride. Great movie, the inconviencable dude didn't make it too long in the movie. I understand that friends have the best intentions but it would be nice if they would actually pick out someone that you would fancy.
    Just because someone is single doesn't mean that you want to be with them and will fall madly in love with them out of what desperation? I feel your pain and I am glad to be out of the dating pool. It can be very frustrating at times. Now I am married to a guy I chose LOL.
    Anyway I hope you find the right person someday or you can enjoy to be single either way you sound like a great person.

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  26. Oh my. I'm sure there is a light saber lovin' woman out there for him. I've never been on a blind date, but I'd imagine it only works if the friend making the set up knows both people REALLY well.
    Happy SITS day!

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  27. oH.mY.gOSH.
    Light sabers???? And "Incontheivable?!?!" You poor thing! It makes a hilarous story though!
    Happy SITS day!

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  28. I could handle a guy with light sabers. I think. But not if I didn't hit it off before that!

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  29. awful. I have no words. where in the heck do you even find light sabers?

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  30. LOL.. I think you went out with Sheldon from Big Bang Theory - which is one of my favorite shows. I love to watch geeks, but do not want to date one! :) Stopping by from SITS. Love your blog

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  31. Light sabers?!?!? Shrek? Seriously? Did you make this up? I know you didn't, and I'm pretty sure I know why this guy is still single. Holy freaking cow.

    Sadly, it reminds me a little bit of my last blind date. The guy showed up with a present for me: a baseball cap. He handed it to me and said, "Thought you might like this. I wore it to the game today, but I didn't sweat too much on it." Ewww!!!

    Loving your blog. You are absolutely hysterical! Can't wait to read more.

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  32. Sister - you are a saint! My first instinct when I was reading this was that I would have whacked him in the head with the light saber - just so I could have a giggle LOL - a WALL of them? Can you say - Peter Pan???? without the fun.

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  33. I have to say I think the light sabers are pretty badass. I was on his side most of the story... until he asked you to get out of his spot!!! WHAT THE HECK? You don't unleash the crazy on the first date.

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  34. Ha! Ok, the light saber thing might have been cute with a guy you actually liked. You could laugh about it. But this guy sounded like a tool. That's my seat?? How rude! Ok Sheldon from Big Bang Theory.
    Blind dates really are horrible.

    Happy Sits day!

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  35. I'm stopping by from SITS and I'm now a new follower! This is hysterical and I can see why you've sworn off the blind dates. In my single days I was never a fan. And I also had a friend that would give out my number to her guy friends even if she knew I wasn't interested. I got fed up with the bad dates so I started saying no. I was told I was mean, but c'mon!

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  36. Note to self: take my own car on a blind date.

    That really sounds unbearable. Glad you made it through. Light sabers? Really?

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  37. Whoa. You lasted way longer on that date than I believe necessary. A meal, an activity, AND a movie...then more TV and a visit from family? You needed a good escape plan.... :)

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  38. Light Sabers...really? That is just.....well...special. LOL. You definitely lasted a whole lot longer than I would've :o). Such a brave woman, and I dont blame you about stopping. Cause...thats just...well, special.

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  39. Apparently he didn't see 40-year-old Virgin.

    Happy SITS day.

    LisaDay

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  40. Oh the joys of blind dates...I almost laughed out loud at the prospect of an impromptu light saber battle, and then I remembered I am at work, and I should totally not do that. So, umm, just imagine me laughing with you in remembering your evening.

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  41. Holy. Cow. Wow. You were in his seat? Light saber fights? I do not blame you one bit for saying no to all future blind dates! Happy SITS Day!

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  42. Light Sabers? Really? Oyh!

    Happy SITS Day!

    Cheers :-)
    - CoconutPalmDesigns

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  43. Oh my word. I don't blame you one bit for giving up on the blind date thing after that. What a nightmare!!!
    Happy SITS Day!

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  44. Bad date = Good Blog Fodder

    For us... you should continue. *L* Okay I'm being a wee bit selfish.

    I don't blame you at all. A guy with a wall of light sabers who actually expects you to play ..... I'm just surprised he wasn't living in his mom's basement. Yup run away.. run far far away.

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  45. Um, I went out with a guy who sent me an email about how we were meant to be together because we both read books. I. Feel. Your. Pain.

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  46. OMG! Glad your friends decided to finally mosey on over, lol.

    Yeah I'm all for geeking out, but there's a time and a place to do so and it's not on a first date.

    Thanks for the post, it made me laugh!

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  47. Oh my goodness, you poor woman! My favorite part? When he told you to get out of his seat... seriously???

    Stopping by from SITS! I hope you've had a really fun day!

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  48. Hello...

    Happy SITS day (a bit late)... :)

    Love the blog! I can relate. I blog about being single in Denver... I have experienced so many bad dates I have lost track. Oh well...just more laughs to pass on.

    You may like this post...
    http://myflirty30s.com/2010/01/to-nose-or-not-to-nose-that-is-the-question/

    Keep blogging!!!

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