My Retirement from Blind Dating

Don't get too excited gals...this is not a marriage announcement.  Instead it is a I'VE HAD IT WITH CRAZY BLIND DATES announcement.

Now, don't get me wrong.  In the beginning of the blind dating life cycle, it is flattering when someone thinks enough of you that they would want to set you up with one of their friends and hope that you will be as happy in love as they are with their spouse blah, blah, blah, yaddy yaddy yaddy.  However, after a few years of this, you learn that instead these married people think, "Hey, you're single, this dude's single, you should love each other."

Most of the time...not gonna happen.  Pull up a chair while I relate  my most recent experience.

A couple of weeks ago my friend J said that she and her husband M had been wanting to set me up with their friend M2 since they'd met me 6 months before.  I said sure, let's go on a double date (because believe me, I've learned my lesson about single blind dates).  A few days later it was set up and off we went.

The plan was to meet for dinner this past Saturday night.  J & M picked  me up and we drove to the restaurant.  As we stood outside in front of the open fire pit (mmm....toasty), I saw a guy walk around the corner and I thought, "Please don't be him".  Not because he was hideous or anything, but because he bore an uncanny resemblance to my dad.  Whom I definitely do not want to date.  He also bore a slight resemblance to an actor from a cult classic 80s movie (think, "INCONCEIVABLE!")  Sure enough, he walked right up to us.  M introduced M2 to me, he shook my hand, said hello, and those were the last words he spoke to me during dinner.   Fortunately I was sitting across from J and we had a lovely meal together.

After dinner we split up for a scavenger hunt.  Now, this could have been a cute idea if I had been with a guy who I was even slightly interested in (or vice versa).  Instead it was a chore.  We drove to several stores and took pictures of the required items, taking no time for laughter or silliness.  We were on a mission after all....to finish the scavenger hunt before J & M and head back to M2s house where the night's excitement was about to begin.  I texted J telling her we were done and sending subliminal messages to hurry the heck up and head over to his house.  She said they were stopping for ice-cream.

The drive to his house was relatively quick. We had some light chatter about his life, and then we pulled in to the driveway.  The first thing he did when we got inside was to give me a quick tour of his house...or more specifically his most prized possessions....The Wall o' Light Sabers.  Yes. Light. Sabers.  As in from Star Wars.  He took one off the wall, turned it on, and handed it to me.  I took it from him and  before I could think "What in the SAM HILL (real thoughts edited) am I supposed to do with this thing", he took another one down the wall, turned it on, and proceeded to assume the position.  What position?  Uh...Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker's Face Off...duh!  I found myself standing there, desperately looking around the room for the hidden camera,  Or for J & M to come save me.  Not to happen of course.

We played light sabers for a few minutes and then he got out his favorite movie for us to watch.  Shrek 3D.  Yep, complete with 3D glasses.  I went to sit down on his comfy looking couch, when he quickly pointed out that that was his seat and I needed to move over.  Good golly miss molly, is this night over yet?  Nope, still waiting for my "friends" to show up.  Finally they showed up, made a joke about getting distracted by a front loader washer on sale (from the scavenger hunt list, of course).  We finished watching Shrek 3D.  We then watched another quick show which was actually pretty funny, and then the 3 of them proceeded to talk for an hour.  I chimed in every now and then.  Then M2s sister and her 4 kids showed up.  You would think this would signal the date to be over.  Nope, they stayed for a while, he played light sabers with the kids, and they left.  We stayed for another 30 minutes or so until finally J said we should leave so she could get the babysitter home.

Sweet Lucille..I was saved!  Night over at 10:30.  Now don't get me wrong.  It wasn't terrible.  He was nice and J & M seemed to truly enjoy his friendship.  I hope they will live a long and happy life together as friends. I just don't want to be part of it.