1. If awakened at 5:30 a.m. by the sound of a THUD and a flash of black and white, go investigate. You might just find your cocker spaniel with your brand new $90 shoe in his mouth.
2. If, while lying in bed trying to fall asleep at night, you hear crinkling, then several thuds, go investigate. You might just find your cocker spaniel with a bag of tomatoes on the floor. If he then streaks past you and runs to your bedroom, you will definitely find him in there eating one of the tomatoes as fast as his little doggy face can manage.
3. The 2nd bag of coconut m&ms does not taste as good as the first bag if eaten immediately in succession. Use a little self restraint and wait 10 minutes before moving on to the 2nd bag.
4. Some people are just going to be stupid no matter how intelligently you try to reason with them. And those same people will most likely leave the conversation feeling that YOU are actually the stupid one.
5. My pharmacist says the insane itchiness that I feel might be due to my anxiety rather than my allergies. That's something that might have been useful to know a year ago.
6. Rain makes corn. Corn makes Whiskey. Whiskey makes my baby feel a little frisky.