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March 4, 2011

In the blink of an eye....

Yesterday I received some shocking news.

At 38 years old, I am having a hysterectomy.

I knew I was having problems, which is why I went to the doctor in the first place.

But this was not the answer I expected.

I talked with the doctor and laughed and joked. 

While my insides were screaming.

And the tears were fighting against their natural instinct to pour down my face.

As I called my mom I couldn't hold it in anymore.  I started sobbing.  And had to pull the car over.

Then I had to get on with my day.  Go to work.  Tell my boss.  Email friends.

Breathe.

Pray.

Eat lots of chocolate.

Today I feel calm, though slightly more numb.

I feel this is the right decision.

Though the knowledge that I will never have children is crushing.

Breathe.

Pray some more.

I know Heavenly Father is sending me comfort through the peace that I feel.

And through the words of kindness from my friends and family.
I know it's all right to cry some more.

And eat more chocolate.

9 comments:

  1. God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea; Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah. There is a river, the streams whereof shall make glad the city of God, the holy place of the tabernacles of the most High. God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early. PSALM 46:1-5

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  2. Oh, girl I am so sorry. I will keep you in my prayers for sure. You know you can email me anytime if you want to talk. I hope you find the peace that passes understanding in the midst of this trial. Love you, friend!

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  3. Oh my goodness... this just broke my heart for you... that you have to go through this so young. I'm proud of you for handling it so well.. you really are!!!

    I will eat some chocolate tonight in honor of you... have a piece with me - k?

    Sending you HUGS!!!

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  4. Do you need more chocolate? I will happily send you some!! Sorry for the sucky news :(

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  5. I really don't know what to say except that I am so sorry! Remember I'm just two houses down if you need Anything at all! Seriously.
    I know it's nowhere near the same, but there are 40 little spirits in our primary whose lives are so much better for having you in them.

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  6. Oh Stacy - I hate this for you. I'm so sorry.

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  7. Oh man, Stacy, I'm so sorry to hear about this. You know, i can't begin to imagine how hard it is to understand all of this now, but you've just got to know that He has other plans for you. Of that, I'm completely sure.

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  8. Bless your sweet heart, girl. My Mom had a hysterectomy at 40. Not what she was wanting, either. I'm so sorry, I will pray God continues to give you peace, and that the chocolate doesn't stop :)

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  9. How about a blessing before making that final decision... Praying for you!!

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