Yesterday I received some shocking news.
At 38 years old, I am having a hysterectomy.
I knew I was having problems, which is why I went to the doctor in the first place.
But this was not the answer I expected.
I talked with the doctor and laughed and joked.
While my insides were screaming.
And the tears were fighting against their natural instinct to pour down my face.
As I called my mom I couldn't hold it in anymore. I started sobbing. And had to pull the car over.
Then I had to get on with my day. Go to work. Tell my boss. Email friends.
Eat lots of chocolate.
Today I feel calm, though slightly more numb.
I feel this is the right decision.
Though the knowledge that I will never have children is crushing.
Pray some more.
I know Heavenly Father is sending me comfort through the peace that I feel.
And through the words of kindness from my friends and family.
I know it's all right to cry some more.
And eat more chocolate.