We don't need no stinkin' locksmith

This past weekend my sister and I were lucky enough to go visit our parents for Christmas. On Christmas Eve We were able to visit with cousins we hadn't seen since 2009 (aka the summer of death) and had a great time catching up. My cousin brought her 4 year old daughter who regaled us with hours of endless entertainment. I was reminded of just exactly how magical Christmas is in the eyes of a little one. The weekend was fabulous...We were spoiled rotten with great gifts and amazing food and tons and tons of love.

I have limited (read: zero) vacation time left so I was forced to come home after just a couple of days. My sister was lucky enough to stay a few days longer. As I was packing to go home, I transferred the stuff from my purse in to my new purse that my sister had given me for Christmas. After checking to see that my flight was on time, my family dropped me off at the airport.

Of course by the time I walked up to my departing gate, my flight was delayed. By almost 2 hours. Crap. I had forgotten my cell phone at home and had also insisted to my sister that I did not need the 2nd iPod. So here I was...stranded at the airport with nothing to entertain me and no way to reach everyone to let them know.

I sat. And sat. And tried to sleep. And sat. And eavesdropped. And watched a little football. And died of boredom. And sat some more.  FINALLY it was time to go.  I rushed off to the bathroom, and realized I left my keys in my old purse at my parents house.  NOOOOOOOO!!!!  DOUBLE CRAP!  Now what.  I borrowed a good semaritan's cell phone and called my sister to let her know.

Lucky for me I now had a 2 hours plane ride to worry. And fret.  And stew.  And surprisingly not swear about it.  And then, like a glorious light bulb in my head, DING!  I remembered I had forgotten to lock my bathroom window.

My friend Amy was waiting to take me home and had heard the story from my sister.  I informed her that we were going to try to break in!  She laughed hysterically.  I suggested maybe we'd have my neighbor's kid crawl in the window for us.  Did I mention it was dark? And 20 degrees?  And it was really foggy and had just snowed?

When we got to my house, my neighbor let us borrow a flashlight and a ladder.  And her husband, Josh.  Who has saved me from more than one embarrassing predicament in my lifetime.

We (he) tried the kitchen window.  Locked.  Dang.  Then we tried the bathroom window.  OPEN!  YAY!  Did I mention that this window is tiny?  And I am not?  And neither is Josh?  Triple Crap.  I suggested he go get his 7 year son and he just laughed.  And laughed. And laughed.  hmmm....

5 foot Amy stepped up to the plate.  She climbed up the ladder...at least 12 feet in the air.  She slid that window open.  She catapulted her leg onto the window sill, knocking off all my shampoo and conditioner bottles in the process.  She hurled herself through the tiny window like Mary Lou Retten.  I only wish I had been inside to see the dismount!  She went around to the front door...and we were IN!!!

Now if only the keys to my car weren't also in California on that same key chain.  There it was, parked behind my sister's car in the driveway.  Did you know that you can't put a car in neutral and push it out of the driveway if you don't have the key?  Yeah, me neither.  Que Josh to the rescue..once again!  He backed up my sisters car and drove it out the side of the carport, drove it across my neighbors lawn and on to my driveway.  Saved at last.

It was a Christmukkah Miracle I tell you!

I am so grateful that I have great friends and neighbors willing to break in to my house for me.  And now my windows are all locked and alarmed...guess I'd better take that extra key to my neighbors for me!

Oh yeah...Amy texted me later to tell me she pulled a muscle during her gymnastics routine.  Bill me!

A True Friend

A true friend is someone who will take your oreo cookies out of your coat pocket when you get to work and ration them out to you throughout the day.  And even though you might protest at first, it actually is nice to get a little surprise every couple of hours rather than be out of cookies by 10:00 a.m.

Though if you are really smart you will eat 4 oreos before you even get to work, just in case some cookie nazi takes over your stash.

Not that I'm speaking from experience or anything.

Granny Master Flash

Thursday night I was working at job numero dos and having a merry old time.  There were Christmas songs on the radio and the flow of people was relatively steady.  Which is nice when you are at your 2nd job for the day and you are pooped and really just want to go home.  The slooooooooowww nights just make you want to die.

So this little old lady wanders in and says she's looking for a dress.  I show her around the store at a snail's pace, trying to match my shuffle to hers, and then deposit her in the dressing room, promising to check on her in a few minutes.

Suddenly there are more people in the store than my little co-worker and I can manage and we get stuck at the register for the next 30 minutes.  I figure Grandma has left by now but I ask my manager to go back and check on her.  Her daughter and granddaughter had since shown up and they were helping her now.

About 15 minutes later I go in to check on her and she opens the dressing room door in a dress 2 sizes too large, which is hanging off her poor little old lady body.   I say "Oh dear, that's way too big, let's try on a smaller size".  She says Ok and proceeds to take the dress off.  In front of me.  And the open door way.  And the entire dressing room.  And part of the hallway.  And I wanted to die. 

Fortunately her granddaughter stepped up to the plate and helped her out of the dress, closing the door slightly. Oh so very slightly.  I happily ran out of the dressing room screaming left to check on another customer and gathered my wits about me.  (You do remember that I fear nakedness, right?)

Finally we find a dress for the streaker Grandma and off she goes.  Probably to show her underwears to some other poor unsuspecting sales girl in a different store.

About an hour later my manager says to me, "Oh by the way.  Thanks a lot for making me check on that old lady. She totally flashed me in her granny panties and bra".  I got a good chuckle out of that and was relieved that I wasn't the only one that had to endure the terrible vision that still haunts me to this day.

Katy's Quotes of the Day

Katy (out loud):  Wait.  I think I'm stupid.

um...ok.


Me: Do you think 7:30 p.m. is too late to call someone?
Katy:  Depends on where they live.

Um...really?

And yes, she is blonde.  Click here for more of Katy's funnys

An Award? For moi??

A few months ago I was given an award by the Beehive Blog.  I was honored (she said my blog makes her giggle) and promised to follow up on it.  And....I forgot.

So here I am, several months later, ready to get on it like blue bonnet.

The rules are:

• Thank the person who gave you the award.  (I did back in August...does that count? Prob not!)
• Share seven things about yourself.
• Give this award out to 15 other bloggers that you think are fabulous, interesting and deserving.
• Contact each of the bloggers you chose.

And now for 7 things you never wanted to know about me:

1.  I am addicted to cleaning my ears with Q-Tips.  I do it every day.  Sometimes I do it twice or three times.  I love the feeling of it.  I am a very itchy person.  And this is much better than making that crazy pig noise with your throat while trying to scratch your brain through your ear drums.
2.  I gave up caffeine 10 years ago.  I just decided I didn't need it anymore.  Until about 4 months ago.  Since then I've needed it every day.  Sometimes twice or three times. (hmm...I'm seeing a pattern here).
3.  I think mean thoughts about at least one person a day. Not always the same person either.
4.  I feel super intimidated by teenage boys.  I think it's a throw back to my high school days.  I hate when I'm driving by a car of them and they look at me and make a funny face or whatever.  I try to just look straight ahead and take deep breaths.
5.  Just this week my dentist told me that I am doing great with my home care and to not change a thing.  I didn't mention that I don't always brush my teeth before going to bed.  Or that I haven't flossed in 92 years.
6.  I  used to wash my dogs every week.  Now they're lucky if they get a bath in between their grooming appointments every 6-8 weeks.  They really smell right now.
7.  I have an unhealthy obsession with twins.  They fascinate me. I just think it's so weird to see 2 people that look EXACTLY alike.  One day at Costco I saw 4 different sets of twins, and it freaked the crap right out of me.

Ok...now to pass this on to 15 bloggers.  Wait, what???15???  That's crazy!  I know I don't have 15 people that will pass this on, but here are some of my faves that I try to read often.  Or at least when I DO read them they make me smile (and sometimes snort).

Em @ Heart and Hairspray
My home girl Kimi @ Live Laugh Love your Guts
Cindy @ Full of Lite
Lisa @ That's What She Said
LeAnna @ Thoughts and Whatnots
Jill @ Jill's Real Life
Julie @ Julie's Scribbles
Rebecca Jo @ Knit by God's Hand
Foxy @ The Fox Den
Salt @ Salt Says
Krista @ Double Dipped Life