Today I feel down in the dumps. Dejected and frustrated. As I mentioned in my last blog I've been having stomach trouble for the past month. The truth is, I've been having stomach trouble for the past several years. Like 10. Or longer. Anyway, after years and years of tests and being told it's all in my head, today I sort-of got a diagnosis. IBS...Irritable bowel syndrome. And possibly gall stones. And probably Celiac. Did you see that there are a couple of ANDs in there? It just seems so overwhelming and hopeless.
I know this is dumb to feel this way. I should be happy. Grateful that it's not life threatening or debilitating. I have a good friend and also an aunt battling cancer. One of my friends has MS, another is HIV positive. And yet another friend has some rare neurological disorder that will eventually result in the amputation of her hands and feet.
MY problems can all be controlled by making changes to my diet. There's the frustrating part though....here is a sampling of what I need to cut out of my diet: Wheat (including white flour...which is in EVERYTHING...just in case you didn't know), Chocolate (which runs through my veins), fatty and fried foods (hamburgers. AND french fries..horrors!), raw veggies such as salads, broccoli, cauliflower, apples. (Ok, truth be told those things I don't mind cutting out!).
I know this is not a death sentence. I need to lose weight anyway. Lots of weight. And I did cut out chocolate for a year in high school. That was a hard year. But I know that if I do these things I will feel better. That my life will be easier. That I will have more energy and better moods. But the thought of giving up cookies makes me want to cry. Big FAT cookie tears.